Burning Stars (BoyXboy) (Sequel to Falling Stars)✔

B.S 17

Chris's POV  

Having lunch with Em was fun. We talked about our lives and the things we wanted to do in life. He told me stories about his childhood. He was a naturally bubbly person and overdramatized things. I loved how he did that because he made me laugh. It surprised me how a person discriminated and hated by people who didn't even know him could be so carefree. He was full of life and I yearned to be like that. Of course I had a long way to go. I had too many insecurities and being used as an experiment didn't exactly boost my ego. 

It felt good having someone to talk to. I hadn't had anyone to talk to for as long as I could remember. Jake had been doing okay, but I couldn't trust him enough to tell him everything. We were in different leagues, different worlds. He would listen but he wouldn't understand. We were from different planets, we were polar opposites. He couldn't understand what I went through because he didn't go through the same things. 

As I lay in bed that night, with Spencer tossing and turning, I found myself going over what went wrong between Jake and I. I'd given people different versions of the reason, some no reason at all. I'd told Em that Jake had cheated on me, which he had, but it wasn't the full story. I'd told Gabe that I didn't love Jake anymore, which was a total lie. I'd given Jake no reason at all.  

None of the reasons mentioned were the real truth. The truth was the cracks had been there before it all begun. I should have known from the moment he demanded to keep us a secret. That should have sent alarm bells ringing. But I didn't know. I was young, I was naïve. All I wanted was someone to love me. It didn't matter who, I wanted to feel loved. Jake came by and I mistook his physical attraction to me for love. I fell hook, line and sinker. We were never meant to be together. 

But my heart refused to believe that. It still had hope, which I thought was ridiculous of course. It thought desperately of a way to fix things. It analyzed the situation with a blind eye, hoping to stumble upon anything that was fixable. But there was nothing, you can't fix something that doesn't even exist. Jake didn't love me. I had been his experiment and that was all there was to our relationship. 

It hurt more when Em confirmed what I had suspected the day I discovered Jake had cheated on me on the night of his return. Em hadn't even known the whole details of our six months together, but he'd made the conclusion I should have made from day one. It hurt to realize that if Em saw it, many people had too. They'd secretly laughed behind my back, while my heart swam in Jake's fake love. Everyone had seen it but me. Jake's sexual experiment...  

Tears stung my eyes. Why couldn't I just forget about him? Why couldn't I stop loving him like I told Gabe I had? Would I love him forever?

Jake's POV 

When I walked into my room that day, it was about 7 in the evening. I was exhausted and truthfully all I wanted to do was sleep. I wasn't entirely exhausted because of the day's events, it was the guilt too, the damn guilt. I felt guilty because of what I had done, but I couldn't understand why I felt guilty. I had no reason to feel guilty and yet guilt was weighing me down. 

When we'd gotten to Adriana's apartment, we'd done what had not been spoken but what had been silently agreed on. Her apartment was beautiful but I barely got to see it because the moment we walked in she lounged herself on me. We kissed fiercely and our clothes were on the ground within minutes. She sucked me off and at that point in time I didn't feel anything at all. It was like all my feelings were frozen or locked someplace without a key. I finally fucked her. While she screamed and urged me to go on, all I thought of was, 'could I come already? Cause all I want is to get this over with'. She was wrong about finding any treasure because I didn't find any. It felt like routine to me- a stone-cold lifeless routine. When she came she panted and told me how amazing I was. I nodded and didn't say anything.