the greatest show

7

  Staying with W.D for a week was a good idea.
My life was moving so fast, with Phillip, the baby and the circus- so catching a breather and staying with W.D would help me wrap my head around it all.
  That's what I thought.
Now? Now, all I want is Phillip and the circus- and I feel absolutely horrible for leaving him at the circus after puking all over myself. He's been nothing but good to me, and I've done nothing but leave him.
  W.D pours tea into my mug, and the steam opens my eyes, but I wince at the heat. Thanking him, I take a sip of the tea.
  The familiar berry taste warms my mouth. It tastes like home- like our mother's tea every Saturday. I smile and take another gulp. 
  "So, how have things been going with the little..." W.D pauses, eyeing my stomach. "Nugget."
  I laugh and rub my belly. I came here to escape parenthood, but it wouldn't hurt to answer a few questions, would it?
  "He's doing good. Very good." W.D raises an eyebrow, probably at the 'he,' but I speak before he can, changing the topic immediately.
  "So, how's the circus?"
He laughs at my failed attempt to start conversation, and I shrug.
  "How's Gabriela?" I correct myself.
W.D's been particularly protective over Gabriela, the newest member of the team, even though she's replacing me.
  "You know she's not that bad."
I quirk an eyebrow, leaning forward in my seat.
  "Do I?"
It's silent, then, for a good reason. His cheeks turn a dark shade of pink- barely visible to my eyes, but the way his eyes fly around the room gives it away. I know he likes her. I've been trained my whole life to watch his body language, and it's clear that he wants her as more than a friend. I am not sure how to feel about that.
  "So, are you healthy? How's Phillip?" He asks quietly, relaxing into the chair. I raise my eyebrows and press my lips in a line, hesitating.
  "I kind of threw up at the circus. I think he's mad at me now."
  W.D eyes me with shock, and I roll my eyes.
"You threw up?"
  I nod slowly, waiting for his comments.
  "Shouldn't you see a doctor, Anne? I mean, if you didn't have a baby growing inside of you, I wouldn't waste the money, but since you do..."
  His words speak the truth. I should think this baby's health over mine, but for some reason, I can't find the will to see a doctor. Not after what happened last time.
  "I don't know."
W.D stares at me, his eyes pleading. I almost change my mind.
  "Please Anne. I can take you this week- I want you healthy. I want my sister's baby happy."
  I don't answer, remaining silent for as long as I can. But when I look into his eyes, wondering, he takes it as a yes.
  "Wonderful. Thank you. I'll make an appointment soon."
  He claps his hands, taking another sip of tea.
I don't protest. I whisper a thank you in my mind.
                                          ***
I've only been here once.
And I hate it already.
Everyone here is so sweet and kind, and it smells strongly like medicine, and coughs echo throughout the entire building. Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with that- it's just that they sugarcoat everything they say. Everything. When they told me my appointment was being moved to today, they dipped their voice in honey and practically sang carols. Because they think I can't take it. It's ridiculous, really.
I really don't have a choice, though. This baby needs me to be healthy. I need them to be healthy. But do I really trust the doctors? I don't think so.
"Anne Wheeler?"
Again, her voice is practically sugar. It's almost calming until I remember my place.
I rise to my feet, beckoning W.D to come with me. He shakes his head, holding up his hands as if he's in surrender, and leans back in his seat.
"Come with me, please."
We walk down the hallway in silence, but I clench my jaw, wrapping my shawl around my stomach.
When we reach the room, a new doctor is waiting for me. She's short, like an elf, and has round glasses that sit at the bridge of her nose. Her skin is so pale that I can barely tell her apart from the ivory cupboards lined on the walls, and I smile slightly.
"Hello, Anne?"
I close the door, careful not to make too much noise, and force a smile. She holds her hand out, and I shake it reluctantly, pasting a happy expression onto my lips.
  "You're here today because...?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. As she does this, she fiddles with her fingers, nervous.
  "I... threw up three days ago. I might be overreacting, but I just want to be sure, for the... baby."
  She nods, fixing the frame of her glasses.
"Okay. Have you eaten anything new lately?"
  She proceeds to ask a number of questions, grinning after each one. By the time she runs out of questions, a half hour has passed, and I'm exhausted.
  "Well, Anne, I don't think anything serious is wrong. You might have just digested something strangely. If it happens again, visit me and we'll talk."
  I roll my eyes internally, muttering an 'I told you so' directed at W.D and Phillip, but I secretly breathe a sigh of relief. There is a side of me that believed I was dying somehow.
  "Thank you," I mutter, swinging a leg over the side of the chair. I hoist myself up, accommodating to the sudden weight change, and join W.D in the waiting room.
  I explain everything that she says to him, and he sighs in relief when I tell him nothing's wrong. He tells me I should get into the circus as soon as the baby is born, and hire a caregiver.
  "No," I say. "This is my baby. I don't want anyone else touching them. Maybe it can come watch the circus...?"
  He rolls his eyes, but says nothing to my stubbornness. Maybe he's used to it.
  Later that night, I go home to Phillip, and we talk. I tell him how I went to see a doctor. He thanks me for that.
  "I'm sorry I left you," I murmur. "I shouldn't have done that. I was just... I don't know."
  "No. Time with your brother was good."
He pauses before repeating the last three words. "It was good."
  I smile slightly and peck a kiss on his lips.
This moment should last forever. This one moment of love, this moment of forgiveness, this moment of hope. The fireworks in my heart, the drums of my pulse, the electricity between us, it is infinite.
  We are infinite.