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CHAPTER NINE—SILVER
[ "Secrets are worth more than silver and sapphires." - George R.R. Martin, A Dance with Dragons ]
Everything around him felt cold. The wind nipped at his ears, giving them a red tint along with his nose as his teeth chattered against each other. The thin fabric of his poor choice of outerwear protected him none, allowing every bit of the biting air to reach his skin, the hairs raising in defense. He hated how odd the weather had been lately but he could only assume it was his own fault. He must have caused it... Seokjin still showed no signs of even being alive let alone wanting to be around Jungkook. It made the male sad; Seokjin meant a lot more to him that he probably should have. It was almost ridiculous in a way; a bit funny to put it simply. When he had finally understood the circumstances he threw himself in—what with getting attached to someone who showed him kindness—his heart was then ripped from the very cage it was protected in and thrown about within a large display of destruction. A massacre to his heart.
Something to be expected when it came to any sort of familiarity with the young male, so he didn't understand why it was effective. He should just push it away. He had been hurt numerous times before, so many in fact that he could hardly count them on his fingers. Pitiful, foolish, crazy. All perfect adjectives to describe Jungkook's beautifully atrocious world. It was the reality Jungkook lived and it was no wonder the poor adult lived with so much despair that it was able to be sensed miles away. Anyone with a brain could understand Jungkook had been depressed for many years and every waking moment, every step he took only added to the fiery flames that engulfed him ever-so-slightly.
That was why it was a no brainer that Jungkook felt like crying to the brink of death when he bumped into a chest he recognized as the only man he wanted to see. Seokjin. For what reason they had crossed paths again Jungkook hadn't the answer, but what he did know was that he had to hold onto his wrist to stop himself from punching the intelligence the man once had straight out of his head.
"Funny to see you here," Jungkook managed to spew upon the unintentional run-in. "I thought you were avoiding me for a reason but maybe you've changed your mind?" Silence was his given reply as Seokjin avoided eye contact, his gaze blank and lacking of emotion. It pissed Jungkook off. "I'm suddenly something you can just throw away like a fucking hamburger wrapper? Or maybe a chewed up piece of gum you got tired of and stuck under a table at the coffee shop?"
Silence fell over the pair again. It felt like he was stung straight threw his chest, a venomous prick much more lethal than that of any dangerous species that went straight for his heart. He'd rather have Seokjin tell him off than keep up the silent act. Silence was the one thing Jungkook could not handle. Silence was pain and the more Seokjin kept quiet, the more it was troublesome to remain planted on the ground with Jungkook's two feet. He shivered from the cold, regretting the choice of clothing as his nose began to ran, tears pricking at his eyes from the harsh bite of the wild and the treatment he was receiving from the one who meant so much to him.
Jungkook laughed. Seokjin was always teaching him how to become a better person, how to stop worrying about his past and to move forward. Everyone had a destiny and some people had to hurdle many obstacles to even reach the starting point, but they all got there eventually. To the end, as Seokjin had once told Jungkook. How foolish the younger must've been, to throw so much of his trust into a man he hardly knew. It pissed him off. Jungkook gave Seokjin his everything, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind that always pushed people away. He let this man in and allowed him to listen to his story and help him write the new chapter, only to have it erased in a matter of minutes.
Seokjin had never told Jungkook about his life. He had never told him about his own struggles or his own past. It was always a conversation about Jungkook. How he could change for a better tomorrow and make himself a man of today's world, for the future. All of the secrets he bestowed upon Seokjin and he didn't receive anything in return. He wanted to give back to the man who meant so much to him—Jungkook wanted to help Seokjin, but he kept everything hidden.
As his eyes fell upon Seokjin's large figure, all he could see were the secrets he held from Jungkook. He was like a locked up box, a stupid security code with a combination a fool like Jungkook would never be able to unlock. How could he have been so stupid? He fell in love with a man he didn't know. Who the hell was Seokjin anyway? He was just a man he met at a coffee shop... He was just a stupid old man who never once did anything for Jungkook.
That was the lie Jungkook told himself to try and contain the anger and sadness that crept up his throat. He had to lie to himself to be able to push away from the man in front of him.
Turning on his heel with his head down, he shivered as the wind picked up and flew up the back of his jacket. He choked down a sob as he blinked away tears that wanted to fall. "You know," he began, his voice hoarse and his breathing ragged, "you once told me to contain my anger or else it would undo me. So tell me, Seokjin..." Jungkook's head turned slightly, meeting the gaze of the elder who looked with a hint of curiosity and what seemed to be misery. "Am I undid?"
Jungkook ran. He ran away from the man who meant so much to him, leaving his heart behind in the process. He hoped he built up a strong enough wall to be able to move on with his life and forget Seokjin. He was just like the others. Jungkook didn't need to give his heart away like he did, but his pieces continue to fall like the brittle flakes of the man he was once before, collecting like the pools of tears that cascaded down his reddened cheeks.
This was one of the coldest nights Jungkook has ever faced.
