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CHAPTER ONE—BLUE
[ "Blue is the colour to choose when creativity is a priority. People are less literal and more exploratory with blue... Blue is open, free, and peaceful." - Dr. Juliet Zhu ]
Everyone says that things happen for a reason. Nothing is uncertain, that things have a purpose even if it seems random. Jungkook never believed this; he always thought that his life was unfortunate and just a string of bad events. It was like a cloud hung above him and rained down droplets that spread to everyone he spared a passing glance at. He didn't enjoy it at all, but he had to come to his senses about it. Yet, something he wasn't expecting was meeting the man in the coffee shop again.
He honestly thought it was going to be a one time things because he didn't think anyone would ever want to spend time with him. It was evident through all of the people who left, thinking he wasn't good enough. So, for this man—he learned that his name was Seokjin—to want to be around him... it almost frightened Jungkook. He wasn't sure how to act or what to do to be enjoyable around so he feared he'd somehow mess it up and he'd lose Seokjin like he lost everyone else.
He put his worries aside and did what he was told to do. He met up with Seokjin at a park in the center of the city. It was large and littered with beautiful statues of artifacts throughout history of the place, something Jungkook found the only beautiful thing about life. He sat by himself on the rusty bench waiting for the other man, his eyes fixated on the squirrel in front of him as it chewed on an acorn, trying to break it open. His staring was interrupted when he heard his name being called.
"Jungkook!" He looked up to see Seokjin running toward him, his hand waving above his head as a smile stretched across his face. He slowed when he got closer and stopped right in front of him, allowing the other to notice what was different. Blue contacts. He was wearing blue contacts today. But why? What was the purpose of covering your natural color with something else? Seokjin sat down and noticed Jungkook disconcerted look on his face. "Is something wrong?" he asked.
"Why are you wearing blue contacts?"
Seokjin laughed, his smile reaching his eyes. "Why? Jungkook, why do anything?" Jungkook didn't reply as he stared at him, trying to figure out why anyone would do that. Why change yourself for someone, or even for no reason? Seokjin gave off a chuckle as he continued, looking away from Jungkook. "I wore blue contacts today because I can. Life is all about having fun. If you don't change something about yourself just to change it, what's the point? Besides, blue is an exciting color."
"Really? I always think of blue as a sad color... They always say, 'oh, are you feeling blue?' Blue isn't happy."
Seokjin shook his head, looking back at Jungkook. He brushed hair out of his eyes before sighing, thinking of what to say. "That's because people misunderstand the color. Blue is peaceful. It's beautiful and calm. The ocean is blue, the sky is blue and both are equally free and serene."
"You drown in the ocean like you drown in sadness. You drown in blue. My ex-boyfriend wore blue when he left."
"Tell me more?"
Jungkook shook his head in lament. He didn't want to talk about what happened but he figured if he wanted to keep Seokjin as a friend he needed to be more open about his problems. He took in a quick breath before spilling, bit by bit. "Well, I guess I should mention that I had a best friend who left me without a warning. He didn't tell me where he went, he changed his number and removed me from every social media site you could think of. I'm not sure if I had done something or if he just wanted to disappear, but I always assumed it was my fault. That was three years ago.
"I don't keep any contact with my parents. They somehow found out that I was dating Jimin. I was dating him for a year, two years after my friend left. My parents found out and they started to treat me as if I was going to plague the family and they wouldn't allow me anywhere near the younger ones. So my boyfriend at the time, Jimin, let me stay at his apartment which saved my ass and made me love him even more. He cared for me all the time so I promised myself I would repay him the best way so I worked my ass off to save up money to help with the bills and to get him something nice." Jungkook checked to make sure Seokjin was still listening and he was, so that pushed him to keep talking. He cleared his throat and continued, looking down at his hands.
"But that happiness was short-lived because a few months after I moved in, he left me for another man. He kicked me out and told me to never contact him again. He told me he was waiting for the day to get rid of me, because I wasn't pulling my weight even though I was trying my hardest with a low income job. I was stranded and had to think fast in finding a place to live. I couldn't call my parents or my friend to help me. But soon I found the place that I live in now. It's shabby and dilapidated, but it's my home now." Jungkook looked up and saw Seokjin nodding in thought, thinking about what to reply with. "Ever since then I have been screwed over by everyone I've ever met."
Seokjin nodded once more, his eyes closed as he looked like he was thinking. When he opened them again a smile formed on his face and he grabbed Jungkook's hands, holding them close to his face. "Just because a few terrible people ruined an incredible experience of having you in their lives doesn't mean you should push others away. You've made it this far so it should be proof that you can make it even when you're on your own. Don't be discouraged; be empowered and fight through it all. I know you can."
And Jungkook smiled. Looking into the blue (contacts) eyes of Seokjin and hearing the genuine care in his voice made his heart lift up from the darkness slightly, and the smile on his face was real. Never before did he think he'd be able to smile again but somehow Seokjin made it possible.
Maybe Seokjin was able to bring happiness back into the meaning of blue.
