livejournal fics//joncer

Hard Hips and Biting Lips

Title: Hard Hips and Biting Lips
Author: silver_etoile
Rating: R
Pairing: Spencer/Jon
POV: Third, Spencer
Disclaimer: About as real as the pony I will be getting for my birthday today :D And the song lyric belongs to Something Corporate.
Summary: He remembers glasses being pressed into his hand – blue, red, yellow, green – another color for another drink. Some have olives, some have umbrellas, some have salt. Some are meant to be drunk off someone else, licked off their neck, their stomachs, their lips. Some are just meant to be drunk.

  *

Spencer doesn't know why he does it. It's such an obviously stupid thing and he wishes he had more control. He wishes someone would take away the drink when he starts laughing at Brendon and staring at Jon. He wishes people wouldn't find it funny and let him have just one more. He doesn't need one more. But they don't know what happens after that next drink. And fuck, he's glad they don't.

He wishes he didn't wake up in the mornings with a headache and only a partial memory of the night before. He wishes he didn't recognize the room he wakes up in, because it means something he doesn't want to admit to himself.

He wishes he didn't dress carefully, biting his lip to keep quiet as he sneaks out of the room. It reminds him of a song.

She memorized the floor so she could leave without being detected.

He wishes his life wasn't a song.

It happens every time he drinks. He tries not to drink a lot, but he can't refuse when the rest of the band wants to celebrate some monumental accomplishment, like Ryan writing the last song on the album, or Brendon learning to tie his shoes. So he takes one and tells himself that's all he'll drink.

Then he laughs and another is in his hands, put there by God knows who. And when the night ends, and he wakes the next morning in the dark, he knows where he is and he sneaks out.

No one else knows, thank God. And Jon never says anything.

Spencer wonders what he thinks. They've never talked about it. Well, maybe they have but maybe Spencer was too drunk to remember. He doesn't even know.

He isn't gay. Or he wasn't. He wasn't when they started the band. But then Brendon had joined and introduced him to all things pink and sparkly, Disney, unicorns and fairy tales. And maybe Spencer wants to believe in those even though he tells Ryan he doesn't.

He was fine, though. And then Jon joined the band. God, it's hard to be straight with Jon around.

Not that Jon's gay. Spencer doesn't even know. They've never talked about it. Jon doesn't talk about people he sleeps with, a trait that Spencer has come to greatly appreciate, more than he ever thought he would.

Spencer doesn't really know how it started, or why he chose Jon. Okay, deep down, he knows why he chose Jon. It has something to do with how he's probably the most relaxed person Spencer's ever met, and he doesn't know a lot of those people.

Ryan's very high-maintenance, even though he'd kill who ever said that. Brendon's a ball of energy that never seems to run out. The Energizer Bunny. That's what Brendon is.

Jon's... cool. He's relaxed and likes to lounge on the couch. He doesn't freak out when someone drinks his milk or uses his toothbrush. He lets Brendon use him as a jungle gym. He's just awesome, and Spencer almost hates him for it. Almost.

He far from hates Jon, though. It's obvious when he's gathering his pants from the floor and grabbing his shirt off the dresser corner, slipping on his jumbled shoes and sneaking out the bedroom door, not daring to turn on the light or use the bathroom. He tiptoes down the front hallway, hoping the cats don't wake up and meow at him. Dylan likes to greet him in the mornings.