Typically Me [BxB]

Chapter Seventeen

 I stared at Tanya.

 “Ash?” she whispered.

 I stared at her.

 Then I pointed to myself.

 “Mine?”

 “Yes, Ash, it’s yours.”

 I stared at her. My heart stopped. I let my hand drop to my side.

 Was this some kind of punishment? For having unprotected sex? For sleeping with her when I still loved Ray? Yes, we hadn’t used protection, but I was pretty damn sure that I hadn’t planned on going the whole way with her. Yes, I had still loved Ray, but in a way I loved Tanya too. Maybe not in the same way. Not on that day. But on the days that followed, the days that she stayed with me she was my friend. My girlfriend.

 Pregnant.

 My child.

 I stared at her stomach, almost expecting it to start expanding right there and then.

 “What d’you think I should do, Ash?” she asked me, biting her lip.

 I stared at her.

 “Were you thinking of getting a… uh…” I couldn’t even say the word. It just seemed so weird, so wrong, so alien to me.

 “I’m not sure. I’m kind of scared- of both options.” she said, and I could tell she was close to crying again.

 “Well, you want my… opinion?” I asked her. She nodded, looking at me with wide eyes. “I… well, I know that if I were you I wouldn’t get a… y’know. An abortion,” I mouthed the word.

 “Oh.”

 “I know it’s a lot to ask of you Tanya, but I don’t agree with it. Morally. Maybe if you had the baby you could give it up for adoption? Or even if you don’t want it… I could, uh…” I told her. Her eyes got even wider, if that were possible.

 “You’d do that? You’d raise this baby- by yourself?” she asked, incredulously.

 “Well, it is my child.” I reminded her. She looked down and put her hands lightly over her stomach.

 She looked up, into my eyes, her hands still on her stomach. In that moment I had never seen her look so vulnerable. She looked at me with pleading eyes, maybe wishing she could go back in time and change things, maybe wishing that this whole ordeal was over and done with already. We both knew that it had only just begun. Whatever decision she made now, whether or not I agreed with it, we would both have to live with for the rest of our lives.

 “I’ll have to think, Ash. I can’t decide yet, it’s too soon.” she whispered.

 “Of course!” I said, and there was a pause during which neither of us could meet the other’s eyes. “Were you thinking of telling anyone? Your mum, for example?”

 “I hadn’t even thought about that… I don’t know! No offence, but you saw how my mother reacted at just the way you looked- imagine what she’d be like if she knew I was… carrying your child…” she said quietly.

 I got a vivid image of her mother’s face going from a normal colouring to a darker shade and slowly getting darker until her whole head exploded… I quickly brushed the image from my mind.

 “I can’t keep this from my mum.” I told her.

 “I know. D’you want to tell her now?” she suggested. I nodded, and stood.

 She seemed wary about whether or not to come with me, so I held out my hand.

 “Don’t be afraid. It’s gonna be okay.” I told her.