Typically Me [BxB]

Chapter Fourteen

I couldn’t look at Tanya… afterwards. I couldn’t look at her knowing I’d used her. I couldn’t look at her knowing I still- and always would- love Ray. I couldn’t look at her.

 The living room was the crime scene. Neither of us had even thought to go upstairs.

 She went upstairs to have a shower and I stayed downstairs. I felt like I was suffocating, it was hard to breathe and I felt like I was about to start crying all over again. Hunting around for my clothes, I wanted to leave. Get out. Run. Every brain cell was telling me to, every muscle in my body screamed for me to do a runner… but I couldn’t leave her. Then she’d know.

 So I waited.

 Eventually she came downstairs, hair redone, makeup redone, fresh clothes on. She looked stunning, as usual. But she wasn’t Ray. I was dressed now, but still on the floor. I tried to hide my emotions from my face but inside I felt like a lost child. She held out her hand and I took it. Her fingers tangled with mine and she pulled me into the kitchen and switched on the counter. We sat on the counter as we waited, her head down so that her hair hid her face from me. I closed the space between us silently so that it took her by surprised when I tucked her fringe behind her ear and kissed her once…

 “You still love Ray.”

 I sighed and turned away from her.

 She had always been able to see right through me. I don’t know why I had even thought I could trick her. I don’t know why she even let me. She had a gift for getting inside my mind and seeing all my thoughts. But I didn’t need her to tell me that I loved Ray, I knew this, I didn’t need it to be said aloud- especially not when my only task now was to forget about him.

 She slid off the counter and slipped her hand back into mine. I only allowed a single tear to run down my cheek. Any more and I wouldn’t forgive myself. People weren’t supposed to see me cry.

 Tanya reached up and wiped the tear away. I looked down at her and I loved her, I really did… but not as much as I loved Ray. And not in the same way.

 “I love you, Tanya.”

 “I know you do. I love you too.”

 I pulled her into a bone-crushing hug and she sighed. I felt like I should leave… but I didn’t.

 I stayed at Tanya’s and we actually had quite a fun evening, though somewhat girly. We watched movies and had pizza for dinner, followed by cookie dough and icing. She was a strange mix between her old self and the person she was trying to be, for me. We watched some of my favourite films; Hellboy, Jaws, American Psycho.

 Tanya fell asleep with her head rested on my shoulder.

 The next day we had to clear out and clean up quickly in case her parents came home. Neither of us were bothered about going to school so we went back to the coffee shop. This time we stayed. Liz didn’t meet my eyes when she handed me the tray with mine and Tanya’s drinks on.

 I took Tanya to sit at the table right at the back; mine and Ray’s table. We sat down but over her shoulder I could see Liz beckon to me. I sighed, excused myself, and walked back to the counter. She leant over and grabbed my collar.

 “What are you doing with this chick?” she hissed.

 “Not that it’s any of your business, Liz, but me and Ray aren’t-”

 Liz cut me off, turned round and shouted to the back office that she was going on her break. The shop manager sighed but Liz didn’t wait, she simply dragged me out of the shop.

 “I saw Ray. Yesterday. He came into the shop, late, right before closing. And he looked like fucking shit, Ash. Please, whatever’s going on, sort it out.” she said.

 “Ray’s the one who stopped calling. He stopped talking to me, stopped seeing me, started sleeping with his ex…” I told her through gritted teeth.

 “Ash, he thinks- no, he believes- that you were beaten up because of him. Cut him some slack for trying to protect you by distancing himself. And how do you know he slept with his ex?” she asked.

 “I saw it!”

 “Really?”

 “Well, not literally-”

 “Exactly!”

 I would have loved to argue my point further but at that point we both just burst out laughing. The door of the shop opened and Liz was ordered to get back to work, so we went back inside. She went beside the counter, I went to Tanya.

 “What was all that about?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

 “Nothing, just… just catching up.” I said with a smile, and she dropped the topic.

 I was happier when I went home. Mum could see that I was happier and the atmosphere in the house was lighter. I helped her make dinner for the twins and then we went into the living room whilst they ate.

 “When are you going to tell them, mum? About the baby?” I asked her.

 “Oh, I don’t know. Can’t I just leave it until I’m the size of a planet? I’m sure they’ll guess.” she groaned. I laughed and pulled her into a hug.

 I helped her put the twins to bed and then we went downstairs to watch a movie. She fell asleep within the first ten minutes, so I carried her upstairs to her room before going back down to carry on watching the movie. I ended up switching it off, though, and instead just sat there, thinking.

 What if Ray felt like he couldn’t come back to school? He couldn’t move because of me. What if he never wanted to see me again? Not only did I love him, he was also my best friend. My only friend, besides Tanya. I sighed and looked around the room.

 My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out.

 Inbox: Ray x: 1 New Message:

                I’m going to be out of town for a few weeks, but when I get back I want to see you- if that’s okay? At my house on the 22nd. Ray xø