hanahaki

risking

tonight was a special night
for you, for them,
except for me.
where was i?
at the hospital, of course.

i had to be more careful, they said.
but when did i ever go so gentle?
i didn't want to be careful.
and it's unhealthy
because
i'm hurting my whole body
my organs
my physical health
everything,
just for you.

and i know you don't know me,
but it hurts to think
that tonight's prom,
will result in your lips pressing to another
and that wouldn't be me.

and i'm so silly,
because seriously?
you?
would like me?
that wouldn't ever happen.
never.

and i'm just scribbling down pointless notes
of my daydreams
my blurbs
my thoughts
and it's getting more painful each day
because each petal that i cough out,

the risk of losing my life is getting higher.