hanahaki

my goals,

i got to see you up close today
and i wanted to cry,
scream out of pain,
seeing you with a large hickey
on your neck.

and i wanted to rip out
everything that was fragile,
but did you know how much
i wanted to rip myself
out too?

it was making me vomit,
and i had to run
to the bathroom
to keep the petals from
escaping my mouth
but i couldn't,
because my lungs were
painfully making me
lose my breath.

and i had no other choice
but to vomit it all out,
i cried so hard,
it felt like i had acid reflux.

but the thing is,
i didn't have it,
instead,
i had a stupid illness,
that makes me feel so gray inside,
it makes me feel so color blind,
it makes me want to
vanish from the world.

and i couldn't stop myself
from having feelings
because although you have
hurt me
multiple times,
i'll always
love you.