hanahaki

for

i came to school today,
with an oxygen bag
in hand
and a few bandages
on my arms.

you questioned, and i saw
your puzzled face.
of course, you'll
never understand
the pain i'm going through.

but that's okay,
because your excuse
is reasonable, even
though you should've
noticed it
a long time ago.

so here i am,
my physical and mental
health dropping
down to square one,
and my whole body
is starting to feel
nothing.

i'm in the
abyss of nothingness,
where in my own world,
it's just color black.

and i hate the color black.
why?
it's everything that haunts me.
it scares me a lot, the color scares
me a lot.

because it represents me,
a broken, hopeless boy
who suffers from
hanahaki disease
who is slowly
fading away
after each cough,
and each vomit
of petal.

it's blocking my lungs,
and it makes it hard
for me to breathe.

so i carry an oxygen bag
around,
in case it comes
in handy.

though i'm starting
to think that i don't
need it anymore,
since i have faded away
long ago before i even
started to realize
that my life is at risk.