Gableen: The Back Row

(30)

*1 Month Later *
Colleen's POV:
Waking up each and every day to no one beside me made my heart continue to ache even more. I never thought I could feel so lonely, so isolated and miss someone so much. After the incident back in Paris happened, I couldn't take her off my mind for a second, but ever so slowly, my vision has erased her from my memories, telling me to let her go. I can't even remember her face anymore. I haven't posted this month, I'm done with putting a fake face on for the camera. Feeling like as she left she took a huge chunk of my heart, leaving me half the warm blooded character I'm supposed to be. Forget her Colleen, she's gone. I kept repeating it over and over to myself, to begin it was just a thought which didn't work, but as this months gone by I am forgetting her, and maybe, just maybe it's for the better.

Gabbie's POV:
I've picked up drinking, viciously again. It's now the only medicine to clear my mind of the negative thoughts which cloud over my head. Taking each sip of its poison makes me cry harder, yet numbs the pain of missing her. I don't post anymore, I've not texted anyone in weeks, I haven't left the house in days. Each night I awaken by nightmares of her, telling me to never go near her again, as she walks away from me. Forgetting her felt impossible, she always took my pain away, every time she'd be there. Now she was the one feeding my pain, feeding my anger, I didn't know what to think of her anymore, apart from being alone.

. . . .

Colleens POV:
I sat curled up under my sheets, scrolling through all my pictures. My mind yelling at me to stop, screaming that it's just going to make me feel worse. Yet my heart fed on our memories, like it needed pictures of us to keep pulsating the cold blood around my body. I'd tear up seeing us so close, and happy. Delete them Colleen. I threw my phone on the floor, angry at myself for trying to memorise her perfect face, "perfect?" I whispered to myself, even I knew I still loved her. Even the idea of trying to talk to her sent shivers up and down my spine, I wanted to straight away as the thought exited my mind. I grabbed my phone off the floor and went into my contacts, to find her gone. My heart starting thumping out of my chest, checking her Twitter, Instagram... she's blocked me.
Why did I think it was a good idea to talk to her anyway. I turned off my phone and sobbed into my pillow.

Stop Colleen, move on. It was true, I couldn't just sit in bed every day for the rest of my life and cry about a girl. As much as I wanted to I had a life to live, and fans to commit to. Maybe starting up YouTube again wouldn't be the worst idea, it could take my mind off it. I ran in the shower, and got changed. I picked up my phone and began streaming live, to let everyone know I'd be coming back to YouTube. No one knew what had happened, everyone was suspicious, but only our friends and family knew the truth. I instantly felt better seeing so many supportive people join the stream, telling me how exited they were to have me back. Some people even asked about her... but I just pretended not to see those comments. Suddenly, reading through the comments, my face turns white to see someone viewing the stream, it's Gabbie. I panicked, everyone was going crazy seeing she was watching. They all frantically asked questions to her and me, she never wrote once, yet continued watching. What would I say now, my hands started shaking, I couldn't let my fans figure us out "I... um. I'm going on tour again guys!" My eyes widen as the words left my lips, why the fuck did you say that Colleen. Do you remember what happened on your last tour. I couldn't go back on my word now, thousand of people were eagerly watching "Miranda Sings Live is doing their final ever show" Great. This would be interesting. To make things even worse, Gabbie was still watching.

Gabbie's POV:
I sat up in bed and for the first time this month, opened up my phone. I'd blocked Colleen, I had ages ago in Paris, hoping it would stop me from having anything to remember her by. Yet the problem was, I wanted to remember her. My fingers played around on the screen, immediately taking me to her page. What am I doing?! I kicked myself for letting me get here already. She's streaming, my eyes widen as my fingers instantly click to watch. I silently gaze at her glowing face, she looks so happy, happier without me. Yet soon her face drops as she squints reading the chat, Shit. Everyone had noticed I'd joined and instantly spam the chat. She doesn't say anything about me, yet the camera begins to shake as her hands try to steady. I know it's because of me. Just as I'm about to click off, before making this any more awkward she announces something. A Miranda concert? Why would she say that whilst I'm hear? I would have thought that's the last thing she would like to do. I was obviously wrong, I guess she's over what happened already, I wish I felt the same way.

For the rest of the day, I sat thinking about her. I had a spirit bottle in my hand, making me more emotional than usual. I couldn't stop thinking about her show, it was somewhere she would have to be, and she was guaranteed to be there. No Gabbie, you need to forget her. Yet it continued festering into my mind for the remained of the day. That was until I realised, I needed her.
I need her now and forever. If she doesn't need me then that's ok, she's ripped a hole through my heart and that will never mend. It's ok if she forgets me, it's ok if she doesn't love me. She's no longer in love with me, but I was still falling for her. I'm not giving up on her that easily. I was going to that show, just as I did before.