FACELESS

Chapter 10

This is going to come as a shock for you, but me and Zac are friends.

That fateful morning where I was munching on my soggy rice and chicken bits, Zac came and sat beside me, asking me if he could be my friend.

His reason was that we were going to be desk mates, so it was normal for me and him to be friends. But me and Zac are desk mates, not friends. There was no reason for him to ever talk to me. Although, I do suspect that it is just purely because he was trying to be nice to me. He is a nice guy after all - a popular one too.

So, me - Audrey Tan, is friend with the most popular guy in school.

I vividly do remember how it was so very awkward for me - explosion of whispers in the canteen, a shrieking laughter from somewhere at the back of the room, and pure silence from his squad of friends.

I am Audrey Tan. I am friends with Zac.

And I'm not saying we're friends just because he said so. I am saying that we are friends because Zac has been nothing but nice to me, and treating me as if I am really his friend. It got weird when he gave me a bar of chocolates one morning, a cheerful look plastered on his face.

"What is this?" I asked, my fingers poking at the packaged item. It was square, almost hard feeling to it. A very, very weird feeling that it's chocolate.

"Chocolate." He grinned, hands in his green hoodie pockets, hair ruffled up and his eyes lighting up.

"Uh huh," I breathed out. It was still awkward for me because I wasn't used to having him as my desk mate instead of Mia, but also because he is after all still my crush. I get an explosion of feelings when I talk to him - so I have to watch what I do when I speak.

"What's it for?" I asked, holding the square of chocolate bar now sitting in my hands. I was surprised it wasn't soggy and melted, the weather today was humid and horrid, the ground burning up as we speak.

"For fun, I guess." He said, a blinding smile plastered on his face. He took his backpack and placed it beside his table, sitting next to me.  I sighed.

I placed my face in my hands, elbows on the table. My eyes kept glancing down onto the chocolate bar on my table.

Maybe he had a hidden meaning in it? Maybe he likes me? Just, maybe?

For a while I let myself daydream the fact that Zac might like me a slightly bit more than a friend. Maybe he likes me too.

And then the reality slaps me across the face - what a self obsessive thought to think. If I keep this up, one way or another, I'll get heartbroken when I discover that he doesn't harbour any interest in me.

Well, not that I wouldn't get heartbroken if he did have any interest in me.

I sighed, slumping my left cheek into my hands, closing my eyes.

Zac shoulder bumped me from the side.

"Yes?" I asked, holding in another sigh.

"You alright?" He asked. I bite my cheeks in my mouth, holding down another sigh that threatened to come out of me.

"Yes," I swallowed. "I'm fine."

For the rest of the lesson, I listen. I listened to Mrs. Lee's endless mumbling about the life system of animals, food chains, ecology... By the end of the class, I am dead tired, ready to slump forward and fall asleep immediately. I let the sense of dread drag me to hell as I gathered my stuff for the next lesson, taking out my chemistry files and swapping it with the biology worksheets.

I tried to ignore the tapping of pen against the table.

Tried.

"Can you stop that?" I hissed out, a bit louder and harsher than expected. "Please." I added, clearing my throat slightly. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when the tapping stopped.

So did the whole class.

For a millisecond, the class stayed dead silent - quiet to see if any reaction was to be stirred from their mighty king, Zac (also mine, but let's ignore that.) Zac kept quiet, his hands stopped moving and the pen laid in his hands. He shrugged, his head tilting to the side and placed down the pen into his pencil case.

Zac places both his hands behind his head, closing his eyes, and leaned back gracefully, his back leaning against the back of his chair.

The class started to mutter again, softly, before it erupted back into its normal chattering noise. Girls gathered at the back of the class, their high lurched laughter exhorting in the room as they swiped through their phone, boys jokingly punching one another and making jokes.

Then, there's me and Zac.

I swallowed the lump stuck in my throat, grabbing my water bottle and with a drunken stupor to drink the water, accidentally spilling half of it on my shirt.

"Shit!" I whispered to myself, cursing a lagtitude of vulgarities coming out of my mouth. I quickly tried to swipe away the water gathered onto my dress, but it was already too late - There was a large, dark blue stain from my chest all the way to my waist.

"Son of a-

I bit my lips, swallowing my words down so I could keep my voice down. I didn't want to make such a reaction out of nothing, so I took a deep breath, clenching my teeth, and palmed my entire face into my hands.

"Here," Zac said, poking me from the side. I opened my eyes and saw him holding onto his track jacket.

"Don't worry, it's clean." He let out a small smile, gesturing for me to take it. I hesitated, my hands hovered up from my skirt for a while, before dropping down back onto my lap.

I bit my lips. "It's fine."

"Come on, just take it. It's not a big deal for me, okay?"

"It is for me." I sighed, turning to look at him. "So no thanks."

"Geez," he raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, fine."

I sat quietly on my table, my fingers frozen for a while in my lap, letting his words linger on my skin. Zac just offered me his jacket, Zac Tan.

I know it's probably a bit annoying (or a lot) because I refer him to some kind of god. But to me, Zac is a guy I've been crushing on for years, fantasizing about the both of us being in a relationship together, dreaming about him in my daydreams. He was the epiphany of true love.

Although, I couldn't really say that I loved him - Not the L word. I know him from afar, the character Zac is in school. But do I really know him? Perhaps so, since were deksmates and he's trying to be my friend. Me, the anti social butterfly in the class.

Yet no matter how much I try to deny it, Zac is exactly how I imagined him as. He gave me food, he shared his things with me. Not only that - he offered me his jackets.

Don't mind me, I just have an overly obsession with jackets.

Either way, no matter what I'm going to have to figure out a way to distance myself. I can't fall any harder than that... And if I do, I'm screwed.

Utterly, totally screwed.

Because how can you be friends with someone you love?