FACELESS

Chapter 27

AFTER 

When I am calmed, I can still feel as if Zac is staring at me from the edge of my eyes. As if he is judging me, looking at me. Looking down. When he fully knows, what he has done to me. Why he is the culprit of this entire shitshow I am in. I am with anger, blood pulsating in my eyes, blended together with pain. 

I take another deep breath, and the girl beside me speaks again. When my tears have stopped, she looks at me with concern. And the kindness – the kindness in her eyes, they shine so brightly it hurts. When was the last time I had such kindness in my eyes? When I was younger, in kinder garden? And when was the last time I had someone look at me with such kindness in their eyes? Maybe once in Zac's, but never so... pristine. So clear, and so... genuine. My lips quicker, and I bit them to keep them in place. If I was not already sitting down, my knees would had buckled beneath me. 

'I am okay,' I say, and then I swallow down saliva, licking at my dry lips. 'Thanks for asking.'

She nods, and places her book down on the ground in front of her. My eyes shift, and I read the title. Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow. I've read it once, and my eyes shift back to her. She smiles, a kind curve of her lips, with no hidden intent underneath it. Something in my mind whispers, gently but at the same time it is as menacing as quicksand. One wrong turn, and I'll sink immediately. It wants to drag me in, gobble me up, while telling me that She is just trying to get close to you to betray you–

'Have you read this book before?' she suddenly says, perking up. She grabs the book, and touches it gently with her hands. Her fingers are pretty, and... pale. I turn my eyes back up to her features again. And then my ears twitch. 

'You're not from here, right?' I ask, and then immediately hate myself for asking. 'Sorry, that might had been offensive.'

'No, it's alright.' She says, smiling, her vampire teeth peeking out from below her top lips. 'I'm from New Zealand, new exchange student. Accent isn't obvious because I grew up with SIngaporean parents.'

'Cool.' I say, blinking. Really cool. Then you don't know me at all, you know nothing of me. You will know no one in Singapore who might know of me; I can trust you, right?

'Maybe,' she continues. 'I wanted to come here as an experience, you know. Grew up with a different system so I thought trying a new system would be kind of cool.'

'Right.' I turn away, my eyes still straying on the book. And then I turn my gaze to the ground. 'Not like everyone here sucks.'

'Mhm,' she says. 'Maybe, I mean there are pros and cons to every place. Singapore is small and crowded, sure. But transport is so insanely good here. Other place, not so much. But the land is bigger. The air is more breathable.'

'I agree,' I reply, glancing at her again.'I like the book.'

She smiles. 

'I like it, too.'

We stay in silence, and I contemplate the pros and cons in my mind. I wonder if it is okay for me to be friends with her, or with anyone else. The thought of Zac flashes back again in my mind, and I almost choke up with tears. People used to say, to always give second chances. But I've given too many chances to let myself trust people so easily. It got to the point where even explaining everything that happened to me got confusing; so it was better not to talk about it. It was better not to trust. It's better just putting on a shield so no one can hurt you. 

I can smell the shampoo of her hair. She is leaning in front of me, glancing at the book I have. 

'What are you reading?' she giggles, and then takes the book. The corner of the book gently bumps me at my knee, and she flips the book upside down to get a closer look. A smile tugs at her lips.