A Teen Titan Again (complete)

Finally Talking Again

Terra

After Raven leaves, I quietly pick at my food.  I feel the awkwardness emanating from the others, and don't know what to do.  I mumble a thank you in the Titan's direction, push back my chair, and head towards the guest room-or I guess it's my room again.

A knock sounds at the door, and I call for them to come in.  It's not who I was expecting.

"Hey Raven.  Thanks for earlier.  Sorry you had to speak out for me," I say, watching a dirtball spinning on my finger.  I lose concentration, and it flies off my finger-into Raven's face.  "Oh crap!  Sorry Raven!  Guess I'm not totally in control yet..."

She laughs it off, shocking me.  "It's fine.  Just a little dirt.  Keep working with it like that.  Meditating helps rein in my powers.  You should try it with me sometime," she offers.  I nod happily, and she stumbles forward.

"My apologies friend Raven!  I did not realize you were stationary!" Starfire's voice cries.  I see her form show up as a scowling Raven steps out of the doorframe.  "Oh, the friends of girls are back together again!"  Starfire flies over to the bed where I sit, pulling Raven with her.  She wraps us all up into a big bundle of a hug, laughing joyfully.  My lamp in the corner shatters, and Raven smiles sheepishly.

"Guess I felt a little too happy, huh?  Gotta meditate some more, apparently," she says.  "You guys want to come?  The stars and moon are out, it's a beautiful thing to reflect on."  Wow, what happened?  She changed a lot since I last saw her.  Starfire squeals and grabs my hand, dragging me out to follow Raven to the window.  They both flot cross-legged, and look at me.  I make a rock-seat, and give a thumbs-up, along with a shrug.  They smile and close their eyes.  I copy their position, their 'Azarath Metrion Zinthos' chanting, and focus on controlling myself.

I keep wanting to open my eyes and squirm around, since it's so quiet.  So am I.  I guess I changed a lot since before too.  Maybe it had something to do with that school.  I was in there a while, being a mindless student...

Stop it.  Focus.  I can't think of one thing to hone in on for peace, except for one person.  I focus on Beast Boy in my mind.  I picture his cute fangs, pointy ears, green skin, hair, and eyes, his uniform, his constantly untied sneakers, his mess of a room.  He was so nice to forgive me.  I'm not surprised that Cyborg doesn't seem to like me.  I mean, I basically crushed his best friends heart.  I give up on concentration and open my eyes-to Raven and Starfire staring at me.

"Uhhh, hi?" I ask, confused.  What did I do wrong?

"Well," Raven answers, "you stopped chanting.  You started mumbling Beast Boy, crushed hearts, Cyborg, and other stuff.  And also, you kinda...."  She motions around me.  I follow her finger, and see rocks and dirt floating in cirlces around me, along with the newly cleaned floor beneath me.  "You sounded really upset at one point, and the rocks were swirling really fast around you, and spinning and cracking.  Then you calmed down and opened your eyes, and the rocks settled down."

"Oh," I respond.  Wow, I'm so great with words right now.  "So does that mean I won't be able to control my powers then, since I couldn't do it in meditation?"

"Well," she says again, "Not quite.  It just means you need to work harder.  Your powers all stormed out of you when you defeated Slade, so I would assume that means they want to break out whenever they can.  Are you maybe bottling something up inside?  If you have something to hide that you don't want us to know, it's probably trying to release itself through your powers.  Try again, and don't think of anything at all.  Focus on each syllable.  Az-a-rath Met-ri-on Zin-thoooooos..."  We meditate a while longer, and I get my act together a little better, then excuse myself, saying I'm tired.

Beast Boy

"Terra, it's great to see you... No, that's not it.  I hope you still... Not that either.  I just wanted to say... Ugh, why is this so hard?"  I slump against the wall outside Terra's room and sigh.  What's wrong with me lately?

I hear footsteps and shift into a tiny green fly on the wall.  Terra walks by (did her pretty blond hair always swish like that?), and I latch onto the wall tighter, hoping she doesn't see me.  Terra continues on, opening her door and closing it behind her.  Once I can't hear her moving anymore, I fly down and under the crack of her door, hoping nothing... odd... is happening.

Luckily, all she's doing is lying on her back on top of her bed, staring at the heart I made her, so long ago.  I fly up to the foot of her bed, and shift into a green kitty, with the face Starfire can't resist.  I hope it works on Terra too.  She starts at the tiny mew that escapes me, but quickly calms back down.  I crawl up and position myself next to her head, purring softly.  She absentmindedly scratches behind my ears, and I push my head into her palm when she stops.

"Beast Boy, do you ever... Did you think I... Was there ever a time when... Oh, never mind."  Terra gives up, flopping her arms out.

"Terra," I say, shifting back to my normal human form, "I never gave up the hope that you would come back.  I always had faith in you, and I never stopped believing you were, deep down, against Slade."

"Then why did you say I don't have any friends?  If you always trusted me..." Tears teased the edge of her eyes, and I could see her fighting to keep them in.

"Because you were with Slade.  You had sort of demolished my heart, and I didn't want it to happen again.  I said you were in control, and I still think I was right.  But Raven's really good with meditation and stuff, so she can help you hone in on your problems."

"Beast Boy, my powers weren't the only thing."  She turns her big, blue eyes on me, almost purple in this light.  "I haven't been able to forgive myself for all I've caused, and I can't figure out why you did.  I don't get why Cyborg is the only one thinking like me.  I just feel like I don't even deserve a second glance."  For a while, we just sit in silence.  I look up at her a few times, and I feel like I can agree with what Robin said.  Raven wasn't the only one listening in.  I think I can almost see through her eyes, inside her, and everything is shattered.  Broken.  I want so badly to heal it.  The best I can do is entwine my fingers through hers, and give her a soft smile.  She returns it, but I see the waterfall threatening to push her over the edge.  How can I possibly show her even the smallest sign that she does belong, and Cyborg is just being Cyborg?