Inner Desires

6.

That spontaneous meeting between both women definitely meant the beginning of an era. If Kimberly and Terhi's coming out had helped them get closer to Hanna, that coffee pretty much turned Hanna and Kim into best friends. In fact, the brunette's social life changed significantly. Her nights out to party became rarer each time, since it was already hectic enough with the weekly fun with her roommates – to which she could never say no – every Friday, hanging out with Kim and Terhi, some occasional visit to The Rainbow Garden... and now the each time more frequent encounters with the blonde.

Hanna, however, didn't mind the fact that she could barely find time to meet the rest of her friends or go to the karaoke bar. She was honest when she told Kim that she liked to have her around... in fact, her company was probably what she had begun to enjoy most about her way too busy free time. There was something special about their moments on their own; she just loved the way her friend opened up when they were alone. Amongst the crowd, Kimberly was usually silent and shy; the way she observed everyone around her, as though she was permanently wondering what they would think of her, felt protective and tense. Sometimes Hanna wanted to put her hands on her shoulders and shake her gently, telling her that there was nothing to be afraid of. Yet Kim was completely different when there was no-one else around. She acted much more laid-back and warm, sometimes even flirtatious. It was truly nice to see that other side of her. And most of all, to know that she was the only one.

Johanna sighed harshly as she heard the doorbell ringing. Third interruption already. Apparently, destiny didn't want her to study on that afternoon. Leaving the book on the coffee table, she got up to answer the door.

"Oh, hey Delia!" she smiled.

"Hey!" the other woman replied "Is Hanna there?"

"Er... no. But she should be back from the restaurant soon. You can come in and wait for her if you like."

"Thanks!"

Delia was one of Zach and Hanna's oldest friends. Hanna loved telling the story of how they first met while queuing for the toilet in a club two years before. However, since her first child had been born, Delia didn't have much time to hang out and go clubbing with them, so they hadn't seen much of her in the past months.

"So, how's everything?" Johanna asked, putting the book aside, already accepting the fact that she wouldn't do anything profitable for the day.

"Fine, just a bit stressful" Delia answered as she sat down next to her "Finally I have a moment to relax for a while. I thought it'd be fun to do something with Hanna, since I haven't seen her in ages..."

"Good luck!" the younger girl chuckled "She's been really busy lately."

"Why's that? Too much work?"

"No, not at all. Let's say she's become very popular."

"What do you mean?" the other frowned.

"Well, you know what she's like, always talking to everyone and making new friends everywhere..."

"Oh, I see!"

And as Johanna had predicted, barely two minutes after Delia's arrival, they heard the sound of Hanna's key. The brunette greeted them with a smile as she stepped in.

"Delia! What a surprise! How are you?"

"Hey Hanna! I'm good, I'm good."

"How's little Kyran? I haven't seen him in ages, so he must be getting really big..." Hanna continued, hanging her jacket on one of the hooks close to the door and leaving her bag on the floor.

"He is! I was wondering whether you'd feel like going for a coffee so (5) we can catch up..."

"Aaaw, sorry, I can't!" Hanna pouted "In fact, I have to get dressed quickly. I'm going to meet (6) Kimberly in fifteen minutes..."

Johanna smiled wryly. She knew. It was always Kim. Not that she had a problem with that, but she still couldn't help thinking that there was something strange about it. Therefore, she decided to put her friend and roommate to the test.

"What are you guys doing?" she wanted to know.

"Oh, just going for a coffee..."

"Then why don't you take Delia with you guys?"

"Yeah. You know I like meeting new people" Delia chimed in.

The Dutch girl bit her lip. She felt bad saying no to her old friend, but neither could she ditch Kim after having confirmed that they would be meeting... Her eyes rested on Johanna, who gave back a sly look to her. Hanna swallowed. The girl was definitely up to something, and she wanted to know what.

"Johanna, did you do today's lunch dishes yet?"

"Er, I think so..."

"I'm sure you've forgotten, as usual. Why don't we go and do them together?"

Before the redhead had had time to complain, Hanna had almost literally dragged her to the kitchen, leaving a puzzled Delia on the couch. The brunette closed the door and lowered her voice.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked.

"Nothing... why?" the Austrian crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"You're giving me that look."

"What look?"

"You know what look I'm talking about. Something's upsetting you."

Johanna sighed. Was she really that obvious?, she thought.

"I just don't like how you're ditching some of your old friends for the new ones."

"Jo..." Hanna began "I'm not ditching anyone, why are you saying that?"

"Well... lately it seems to me that you only want to hang out with Kim."

That comment left Hanna very bewildered. She blinked, not exactly believing what she was hearing.

"That's not true! You know no matter what happens I'll always have time for you and Mark..."

"No, it's not that" Johanna said weakly "This is not about me and Mark. I know we'll always have that special bond because we've been living together for quite some time and are very close... but I don't know, what about all your other friends? Delia, for example?"

"I'm very busy, Jo. I'd love to spend time with you all, but with work and everything, I have it very hard to find a moment..."

"Well, that seems to depend on the person" the younger girl pointed out "You always have a moment for Kim."

Hanna frowned.

"What problem do you have with her?"

"I don't have a problem with her at all. I just think you're spending an awful lot of time with her..."

"So?"

"I just don't get what's so special about her!"

"Why are you sounding like you were jealous?"

"I'm not!" Johanna defended herself "I just don't understand why you're focusing on her so much when you have lots of friends who want to see you..."

"What are you saying? I'm not focusing on her, that's ridiculous! We just... have many things in common, that's why I like spending time with her."

"But why does it always have to be just the two of you alone? Why can't Delia for example join you?"

Hanna sighed, rubbing her temples. She clearly was getting a bit tired and uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Look, you know what Kimberly is like" she explained "It takes her a lot to come out of her shell, not to mention if there's someone else... But that doesn't mean I care more about her than anyone. We're just getting to know each other."

"Alright" the redhead nodded "Have fun!"

The Dutch girl seemed content with this reaction. Johanna had decided that she didn't want to discuss it anymore. Yet as she stepped out of the kitchen, one thing was clearer to her than ever – Hanna still hadn't realized that she was in love with Kimberly.