Inner Desires

8.

"God, it's been ages since the last time I came here..." Hanna commented, having a look at some dresses "I don't know why I stopped coming though – it's one of my favorite stores! In Holland I would always shop here because it's really cheap..."

But her shopping buddy had her mind elsewhere. Kimberly was way too lost in her thoughts to pay attention to Hanna's enthusiastic blabber. She looked around at all the other people making their way in that maze of clothes and colors. It certainly wouldn't be their first choice when it came to dressing, but she had accepted to go in, just to make the shopping spree fairer. That place was closer to Hanna's alternative, hippie-esque style than the shops she liked, which were usually far more classical.

Like a zombie, she followed her to the dressing room, dragging her feet. The moment they had shared almost two weeks before had been nagging her ever since. Two weeks in which she had seen Hanna almost every day, which didn't make it easier. She could virtually sense the brunette's lips on hers and see her walking away to find a taxi with that big grin on her face; the memory didn't let her concentrate on what she was doing. Neither of them had mentioned it again, and she still couldn't find the courage to bring up the topic. She was afraid to confirm her suspicion that it had only been a side-effect of alcohol or a friendly gesture. Perhaps Hanna didn't remember anymore, and that's why she was so good at acting as if it had never happened.

"Kim, are you ok? You've been so silent all the time..." she heard the other girl's voice through the curtain.

The other girl remained silent for a moment. What should she do? Simply keep pretending that everything was alright? No, that would be stupid. Not only because it would just make the agony longer, but also because Hanna wasn't stupid and would probably read her like an open book. Ask her to go for a coffee and talk about it in a calmer atmosphere? It wouldn't work. Knowing herself, she would probably lose her courage in the last minute and start rambling about her ex or the first thing that occurred to her. It was now or never.

"Hanna, why did you kiss me?"

She spoke without thinking; if she had, she would have probably never finished the phrase. Kimberly took a deep breath. At least she had said it; the die was cast. There was a long pause, then the curtain moved aside and Hanna's face emerged.

"I... I'm not sure this is the best place to talk about it. How about we go to the Starbucks down the street after I've tried this on?"

The blonde nodded. On the inside, she was scared that Hanna would – intentionally or not – forget about it by the time they got to Starbucks. In her eyes it took an eternity for her friend to decide what to buy, queue at the till and pay. Perhaps it had something to do with the sudden tension in the air. The brunette was not her usual, bubbly self. Instead of being talkative and giggly as she always was, she seemed very nervous and distant. She wondered whether she was as frightened as she was.

Finally they made it to the café. After queuing for a short while, they grabbed their hot drinks and settled in a quiet place, far from all the other clients. Their conversation was no-one's business. It was already awkward enough being only the two of them...

"I just felt like" was all Hanna said, barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry?"

"The kiss. I felt like kissing you."

"But why?" Kimberly wanted to know.

Hanna shrugged, running her hand through her hair. That's what she did whenever something was making her uncomfortable.

"I don't know... I saw you there, looking at me with that cute face..."

"Is that all?"

That sharp reply left Hanna speechless. What did Kim mean? Hanna remembered the kiss just as vividly as her. Of course, she also remembered that she had a certain amount of alcohol running through her veins at that time, but that had nothing to do with it. And yet she couldn't explain what made her exactly want to kiss her friend. It had only been a peck on the lips, a friendly gesture; where was the big deal? Despite that, she couldn't deny that something inside her had awakened when her mouth met the blonde's... and that her intention was not exactly friendly. Maybe it was just the excitement of trying something new.

"You don't have to answer" Kim said weakly, clearly hurt by her silence "I guess I shouldn't have mentioned it at all..."

Her heart broke at seeing Kimberly like that. She felt that she had just screwed up and just wanted to hug her, to apologize... Although she knew that no apology was possible in such a situation. It's not like she had ruined her favorite dress, but she had just disappointed her and hurt her feelings. And the worst of all was that it was all a misunderstanding and she didn't know how to clear it up...

Kimberly sighed, her eyes fixed upon her mug, where she would have liked to drown. More than hurt or disappointed, she felt stupid and embarrassed. She should have known better.

"It's fine; I get it" she nodded "Everything will be ok as long as we can stay friends. The truth is that I really like you, Hanna... and not only like that. But hey, our friendship is more important, so if we could just forget about it and let things stay the way they were before..."

"No, we can't forget about it" the brunette finally broke her quietness "I like you very much, too... and I'm not sure it's only friendship."

A big question mark appeared on Kimberly's face as she finally raised her head to look at Hanna. The other woman let out a long sigh, as though finally saying that out loud had been a great relief, and continued speaking.

"I'm not into women, so I can't promise anything. But I really like having you around, and to be honest, I had wanted to kiss you for a long time..."

"You did?"

"Yes. I was sincere when I told you that you're the kind of woman I could see myself with."

Those words made Kimberly blush. Her lips curled into a sheepish smile. Had Hanna just confessed that she was attracted to her? She still couldn't believe it was happening... Taking a deep breath, she decided to probe her once more.

"So... if I asked you out, would you actually say yes?"

As Hanna nodded, Kim felt her blood running faster than ever. Under the table, her legs were shaking uncontrollably.

"I just hope I won't disappoint you" Hanna gazed deep into her blue eyes "Like I said, I've never been with a woman, and I'm not yet sure I'm into them... but I'd like to give it a shot. We've connected in a special way, Kim."

"I've felt it as well. So... would you like to go on a date with me? On Thursday maybe?"

"I'd love to. And you knowwhat else I'd like to do now?" the brunette's cheeks turned a soft shade of red"I'd like to taste your lips, but this time in the right way."