Inner Desires

19.

"So, how are things going with... Hanna was her name, right?" Chris wondered, as he poured some more coffee into Kimberly's mug.

The blonde's eyes widened. Was that the same man she used to know? Back then, he barely knew how to use a coffee machine... not to mention that he wouldn't have the manners to fill her glass without her asking. She had a sip before answering his question.

"Oh, everything's going great."

"Glad to hear that."

No drama? He seemed to be genuinely happy for her. Kimberly wrinkled her nose. They hadn't seen each other in months, and he was acting strangely out of character. First of all, she hadn't been to his place since they broke up, and it was unusually clean and tidy. Secondly, she had been there for about an hour and they still hadn't had a fight – no bragging, no sarcastic comments...

"How are you and Melissa doing?" she wanted to know.

"We... actually broke up" he replied.

"Seriously?! When?!" Kim almost choked on her coffee.

"Last month. But I'm fine."

In spite of his words and his smile, the fact that he was so different from his usual self made her think that he must have been devastated. Although she had often dreamt of a day like that, she felt horrible. She used to think that she'd laugh upon hearing that he had had his heart broken by some other lady while she was being happy with someone else, and that she'd have the balls to rub it in to show him what it felt like...

"Wow, I had no idea. I'm sorry, Chris!" she rubbed his shoulder in a friendly way.

"Hey, I said I'm fine" he repeated "She needed a real man, someone to take care of her; and you know me... deep down I'm a big kid."

"Well, there's no denying" she teased him "Still, I know for a fact that you can be really caring when you want to."

"At least I try... but I suppose trying is not enough."

"It's her loss, anyway."

This time, a really honest smile spread across his face. Maybe she wasn't that bitter at him anymore.

"You think so?"

"I do" she nodded "I know you've done a lot for her, always trying to be a better person... And not only because you rubbed it in a thousand times, but also because I've seen it. In fact, sometimes I wanted to slap you just for that."

"What do you mean?"

"See, I sometimes believed you were just doing this to make me jealous and piss me off. Like paying more attention to your appearance, introducing her to your family, showing interest in her hobbies... you never did that with me. But now I see that you really loved her."

"Yeah, I did" Chris sighed "And actually, you might not believe me, but I feel very sorry for not having treated you the way you deserved."

"What?" Kim blinked.

He tidied up his hair, looking down. An apology was the last thing Kimberly had ever expected to hear from him. She knew how proud and stubborn he could be, and that it was taking him a hell of a lot to say that.

"You know... they say you don't know what you had until you've lost it... and this phrase has only now started to make sense to me" he looked her in the eyes "I acted really childish when we were together, Kim, always afraid of compromise. Now, with Melissa, for once in my life I felt ready to settle down... and got rejected. Sometimes it takes a blow like that to mature. I've had a lot of time to think since she left me, and finally I see what it must have felt like for you. You were always there for me when I needed you, and I never appreciated it. I'm very sorry for everything."