Ava and Addie

Chapter 9

I sat on the floor with my back against the door and cried for what seemed like eternity. Tear after tear rolling down my cheeks in a never-ending stream. Ava, Ava, Ava, it was always Ava. Even though we look alike, we are very different. And she is obviously better than I am. She is doing it right, always. Compared to me, the freak who can't be in water without having a major freakout session, only thinking about drowning. And the one who can't even read properly without sounding like a freaking 6 year old, or stammer like the freak she is. Why is it always me who is difficult. Ava was always the better twin, acting like the real girly girl that mom, dad and Alfonso wants.

Why didn't they worry about me? Why didn't Alfonso and Ava worry about how i was? it was always in a No-No-way they cared about me. "Don't do this", "don't do that". But what i wanted from them, was way more than that. I wanted them to look at me, like they look at each other. I want to be a part in the group and not be treated like the annoying little sister mommy forced them to entertain.

I felt my anger build up and as it grew within me, i started to see perspective and maybe they didn't want me to be a part of it, and maybe I just put way too much into it. What if they just wanted to be just the two of them. But then why not let me hang out with my friends, instead of always interfering.

My emotions were up and down and for the first time i think i let it all out. All the anger, the hatred, the sorrow - everything.

As i started to calm down, an overwhelming feel of guilt took over. Guilt ate me up from the inside, i shouldn't have said such that to him, not that hards anyways. But they shouldn't treat me like this either. What did i do to deserve this? I wish they just for once would treat me as an equal.

The following morning i didn't feel like eating with them. Angry, ashamed, sad - many ways to describe my feelings towards them. But somehow i still managed to go down to the table just as they were finishing up, which was planned on my side. Alfonso and Ava stared at me with a mixture of sorrow and anger - the last part mostly from Alfonso.

He had no reason to be mad at me, not after everything they have done to me. Me leaving seemed like the only solution for me, but no matter how much i wanted to, it would never work out. They wouldn't let me.

They want me here, but they don't want me around, that's what confuses me the most. Sometimes i feel more like the little sister following her older sibling and her friends because mommy told them to play with her. I don't want to be seen as a burden, but to them I am never good enough.

I awkwardly sat down beside Ava, there was an empty seat between them, but right now i didn't want to. And Alfonso obviously didn't like that. He looked at Ava pleadingly, and she looked up at me as if she had understood his silent demand "Do you wanna go for a run with us?" Ava asked.

Alfonso looked over at me awaiting my response. "No" the word flew out before i even had time to register what i was doing. Alfonso didn't seem to like my attitude, which to be honest, also surprised me, and my mom who had started with the dishes also did a double take when the word crossed my lips.

"I feel better running alone" their judging eyes made me cave in and come up with an excuse to smooth out this mess. Ava nodded as if she understood, Alfonso on the other hand seemed displeased with my response, but said nothing.

After that we ate in silence, or I did, seeing that the others were technically done when i got down. Mom made up an excuse to get Ava and Alfonso out the door, something about getting something for her from the florist. I knew it wasn't urgent, as she made it sound like. But I needed the distance, and i think she for once understood what i was dealing with. So that made me all alone in the kitchen.

I felt confused which led me on adventure down to at the forestline. I just stared into the forest, watching everything and nothing at once. I felt my breathing get calmer, my mind starting to calm down as the wind hit me in smooth relaxing breezes.

"You are.." I jumped at the intruding mans voice, i knew that voice all to well, i just didn't expect him to be here. I looked back at him, he had this hard look on, i felt like it was time for another lecture. But to my surprise he walked closer and grabbed my hand in his big rough one and ran his thumb on the back of my hand in soothing motions.

"You are wrong you know, I care so much about you" He said and leaned closer and planted a kiss on my temple, my very first kiss. I enjoyed the feeling of his warm lips against my skin, savoring the moment. He pulled back and looked at me with what i assumed was admiration, his free hand pulled strands of hair behind my ear as he "accidentally" brushed his hand against my cheek everytime he did so.

"When you are ready, you will understand" and with that he looked serious again and guided me inside.