XAVIER IS DYING

Xavier is Dying: 1

Xavier's POV

Something was off.

It had been for a while.

I felt like something was pressing on my chest, as if an everlasting shadow loomed over me in the night; like it was there, and you knew it was there, but you couldn't see it. Anxiety swirled around me like a beacon in the night. This nagging feeling had no motive, nothing to determine why I should feel such a way.

Yet, it remained, just as an everlasting shadow I knew about but no one else did.

Everything was so agonisingly mundane. The motive to this feeling left masked, walls built around it so high I couldn't peer inside. If I truly had to be concerned, surely something would be out of place. Anything. Even a hair.

Nothing.

What else could I do other than try to shake this damned feeling? I couldn't sherlock my way out of this because I had a feeling something was wrong. I didn't even have evidence something was wrong, I don't know why I'm obsessing over this.

Maybe i'm right. Maybe I am reading into the situation too much. Intuition is a complex thing, maybe there is absolutely nothing occuring to bring on this feeling. Still, I couldn't help but feel like something was off. Even the blank navy walls of my bedroom felt weird, taunting almost. As if they held the secrets to my unanswered questions.

God, I'm losing it. Walls expressing themselves? What is wrong with me. Breathe, Xavier.

Bringing my jittery pacing to an abrupt halt, I went to sit on my unmade bed to give my legs a break. I needed to concern myself with more important things right now, like school.

School. Shit.

Scrambling over my bunched up grey duvet, I grabbed my phone which lay charging on my nightstand. I unplugged it, bringing it closer to me so I wasn't awkwardly stretching over my bed. Turning the black screen on, my lock screen lit up with the time as well as the photo of my brother and I smiling with water guns. I then realised I was supposed to have left for school five minutes ago. How could I let myself get so distracted over a fucking feeling?

Bella, my best friend, usually met me outside at the school entrance every morning. She'd surely kill me, only to revive me and kill me again if I were late and subsequently made her late too. She knows how important it is to keep my reputation up. She'd give me hell for jeopardizing it.

As son to the gammas, I had a multitude of people I had to keep appearances up for. A bad reputation reflected badly on my family. We were part of the golden three leaders, we had to be perfect. Perfection is what our pack seeked. If we were not, it may portray weakness leaving holes for people to try and overthrow the leaders. We were among the strongest packs in the world, at least under the royals, hence the importance of perfection. This included being on time for school.

It was very obvious I didn't fit the perfection role. I was a black sheep among golden knights. My father was current gamma and had been for years. He was due to hand over the title to Dante in a week, now that he would be eighteen and ready to take the title. He was the last of the golden three to turn eighteen. He'd become the next gamma along with Ricky becoming the next beta and Aries the alpha.

Dante was the embodiment of all gamma expectations. I was not. This was an issue as I needed to be the one to fill his shoes if something were to ever happen to him. I don't think I could fill his role if I tried.

To be so high ranking especially within such a prestigious pack, you had to be one with your wolf. Your chemistry needed to be unmatched, as if you were a part of each other, minds connected because in a way, you are. Without this bond, you're as good as human.