XAVIER IS DYING

Xavier is Dying: 8

Bella's POV

chapter 8:

It had been a few days since the death of Xavier. It still didn't feel real. I just kept staring at his missing seat in class, expecting him to suddenly appear and sit down, apologising for leaving me.

Everything just felt empty and meaningless. It always felt like something was missing, that something wasn't there. Worst part was, no one really seemed to notice other than me. Everything carried on as if the empty seat in classes was always empty, as if there wasn't someone missing.

His burial was going to be tomorrow. I wasn't prepared at all, it all felt like a sickly bad dream that I couldn't shake. The only thing that at least made the situation more comforting was the knowledge that Xavier wasn't getting a typical burial. The last few days there had been a crypt being built for him that way he wouldn't be in the ground in a box. He'd like that way more.

I was lucky Alpha Aries understood and was lenient with me when it came to the Xavier situation. I think he was feeling a certain degree of guilt towards the fact Xavier died knowing Aries didn't believe his wolf was actually rejecting him.

In fact, Alpha Aries was a wreck. He'd abandoned most of his duties, taking up drinking and had generally given up. His mate, Molly, was trying her best to pick up his shattered pieces but it was no use. He'd failed his first day being alpha and everyone knew it.

Eventually, the bell rang signalling the end of the school day. I packed my things up and went to meet Ricky at his car. He'd been so amazing and supportive through the Xavier situation. It hurt all the more knowing Xavier didn't get to officially meet Ricky as my mate let alone the fact he wouldn't be around for the rest of our lives.

God, Xavier was supposed to be there with me through every milestone. Marriage, kids, everything. He would have been godfather to Ricky and I's kids. I really can't envision getting through life without him.

It hurts, it feels like a part of myself is gone with him.

"Hey, Bella boo, how ya feeling?" Ricky asked, approaching me and embracing me in a hug.

"Could be better but I'm getting there," I replied with a faint smile.

We both got into Ricky's car and sat our bags in the backseat. The drive back was a mere ten minutes so I didn't bother trying to get comfortable. I also couldn't listen to music in the car anymore, it was Xavier and I's thing to jam to music in the car. Now, hearing a song play in the car is like nails on a chalkboard.

As we got home, I got out and was prepared to complete my homework and cook dinner. They tried to take me off dinner duty for a while but I told them not to as the only way I felt I could express myself currently was through cooking. However, Yelling and arguing sounded from inside which put a stop to any plans I had for tonight.

"Why are you lying!" Ricky and I both heard before rushing to get inside and see what's going on.

Alpha Aries was there, holding a whisky glass, observing whatever argument was occurring in the living room. He looked dazed like he wasn't fully aware of his surroundings so Ricky didn't bother trying to get out of him what was going on and simply walked past him into the room instead.

There stood Xavier and Dante's parents both looking frail and distraught as their mother cried. Dante looked beyond furious as he paced, gripping his hair with his hands.

"What's going on?" Ricky demanded, using his authority to level the situation off.

"They lied, that's what's going on. Xavier wasn't theirs. They found him as a baby on rogue territory whilst hunting so brought him back and adopted him. They never told him! He died not knowing! He didn't even get the chance to meet his real parents if he wanted to! You never gave him the option!" Dante yelled, octaves rising with every sentence.

"We thought it was what was best, we didn't want him thinking we were any less of parents to him," Dante's mother sobbed.

"The difference is, Xavier was good! He would never think like that and the fact you think he would shows how well you truly knew your 'son'. He'd love and appreciate everything you've done for him regardless! But mum, it was his right and choice to know his real family," Dante replied, utterly repulsed at his parents.

"Son, it was what was best at the time," Dante's father said, trying to defuse the situation.

"Son? Don't son me! Hell, am I even your kid? You can't justify keeping a whole other life from Xavier by saying its what was best!" Dante scoffed, crossing his arms.

"Of course you are baby, how could you say something like that?" Dante's mum sobbed.

Dante rolled his eyes and stormed out the room and through the front door. His parents took a seat on the couch, cradling each other for dear life. Xavier had a whole life, another potential family he will never get to meet. I felt sick.

I went running for the bathroom, Ricky yelling and following. I threw my guts up in the toilet the second I reached it, Letting everything out. The mess Xavier's death left was causing ripples throughout the entire pack.

___

Today was the day of Xavier's funeral. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. I've felt numb all day, not a tear shed as I applied my makeup and done my hair. Even after putting on my black dress and shoes I still hadn't felt anything.

Glancing in the mirror behind me at my bed, I let in a shaky breath as I imagined Xavier there again. The way he threw up the blood...

My eyes strayed to the ground which was now perfectly clean. Not even Ricky knew that nights I couldn't sleep, I'd get up and start scrubbing at my floor, crying as I felt the stench of copper surround my nose. I couldn't get rid of that night no matter how hard I tried.

Blinking and shaking my head to rid the memories, I stood up and left my room, heading for the front door.

I had left the front door heading to where the walk was beginning and nothing. Not a single tear. I felt like a robot.

Xavier's family smiled weakly at me as we took our place behind the casket to begin the walk. We had to walk through the pack grounds as a method of allowing everyone to grieve. With every step we took, I couldn't stop staring at the coffin containing my best friend. I couldn't even focus on those surrounding us to pay their respects, just Xavier.

I still hadn't cried. Maybe its because it didn't feel real.

My eyes hardly left the casket until we reached the clearing. A beautiful white crypt stood in the middle of the clearing prepared for Xavier. We all agreed to keep the casket open in the crypt as a way to keep some sort of humanity in Xavier. It didn't feel right closing a human up in a box forever who especially meant so much.

Xavier's parents entered the crypt and said a few goodbyes, as well as Dante until it came to my turn. I entered through the door as Dante left, seeing my best friend lying in the open coffin. He looked peaceful, at rest like he had just been sleeping. No more blood. My heart broke staring at him.

"Knock em' dead up there, okay Xavier? And yes I know the irony in that comment. Just be okay wherever you are. I love you and I miss you. so much. I can't believe you're not graduating with me, or doing anything with me anymore but I promise I'll make you proud. Me and you Xaiv," I whispered before leaving.

As I walked away from my best friend, my very much deceased best friend, who I'd never get to see again, I felt a tsunami hit me.

Just like that, one tear after another began flowing until I could hardly see in front of me.

Yet, I kept walking.

away from everyone, away from everything, away from Xavier.