Broken (Loki love Story)

Who am I?

 Darkness.........
        Pain.....
        That's all I remember darkness and pain, I felt something touching me. I tried to open my eyes to see what it was, but it was like trying to pry open titanium doors. I decided to try again, making my eyes flutter, I saw a striking man trying to grab my hand. I was taken with him, his icy blue eyes, his raven colored hair. Something inside me told me I knew this man, but from where. Once his skin touched mine I flinched away, fear spreading through every vein and every muscle I had. "Where am I ?" I asked looking around a room I feel I should remember. 
"You are in you house, my love." My love? Why was he calling me this? I looked at him confused. "You don't remember me do you?"
"No." I shook my head.
"What do you remember?" I tried to pick through my brain and find the answer, but I found nothing not even a name.
"Nothing," I tell him panic joined my fear, "Who am I?" I asked.
"This is not good." I looked and saw a man next to my bed, glancing at the machines. He had raven hair and brown eyes, he had a somewhat muscular build
"Who are you people?" I ask looking between the two men. They looked at each other.
"I'm Nick Gates," The brown eyed man said, "I'm your brother." I had a brother.
"I am Loki." The man next to me said, "You loved me." my heart ached, I had loved this man that's why I recognized him. I look between the two once more.
"What's my name?" I asked them.
"James Veronica Gates." Loki said, I looked at him. Nick came towards me.
"I'm going to put you to sleep and do some tests on you. Okay?" He asked I nodded.
        He put the shot in my arm and pushed the making the substance inside it go in my body. I started to feel tired, I laid back on the bed. Loki sat on the bed, he said something before I drifted off. It sounded like, I love you.

        When I woke Loki was still at my bed side, with my hand in his. His head was on the bed and he looked like he was asleep. I tried to pull my arm away as carefully as I could, but I woke him. His head came up groggily, rubbed his eyes, one with his thumb the other with his four fingers. He set his hand back down on the bed, "Is something wrong?" he asked me.
"No." I shake my head.
"James, I know when you lying." I took a deep breathe and raked my finger's through my hair, I looked away then back into his ice colored eyes.
"I'm sorry." I said. He looked at me confused. "I want to remember you. When I woke up I knew there was something familiar about you. But I'm so sorry." tears were streaming down my face. He wiped my tears away with his thumbs.
"Do not apologize for something you cannot control." He said, his hands drop. "Your brother said that, any familiar interaction or..um.. a familiar sound anything could possibly trigger your memories." I felt a little glimmer of hope."You must rest get some sleep." He told me.
        Soon after he left me to sleep, I drifted off quickly and went into a dream. 

"James?" he says almost breathless. "Are you alright?" there's a pause. "I'm... fine." I say holding in my emotions and looking at the book. His face changes from curiosity to concern, he then takes the book from my hands and sets it on a table close to the chair. He then looks at me at me again, worry in his icy blue eyes. "James, tell me." he says to me softly. I shake my head slowly and say,"I can't."
"Why?" he asks.
"Because, the things are have endured are best left locked up." I say,"If they resurface, I don't think my broken heart could take it."
        I feel as though if I say it out loud it would be far to much for me to bear. I know all to well that if I say it out loud..... its real. "I might do you some good getting it off your chest." he says now caressing my knee with his thumb. "No." I say bolting up and running out of the library. I didn't want Loki seeing me so broken, so hollow in side. I need some air, I run through the palace trying to find a balcony so that I can breathe. My feet stomping on the floor, I hear Loki yelling at me to stop. I just keep running, eventually I lose Loki. I find a balcony, I run to the railing and grip onto it as if my life depended on it. I grip the railing so hard my knuckles turn white, my black hair is falling in my face and my chest is heaving from running. Every single muscle in my body is tense, I feel like I'm starting to break. I then hear Loki's boots clomping on the floor coming towards the balcony at a fast pace. His steps then stop, and I hear his heavy breathing. He then comes over to my side and grips the railing and looks at me. I look straight forward not wanting to meet his gaze, my hair is the only barrier between us. "James," he says and waits for a response. "James." He says more firmly. "Yes." I say quietly in my unemotional voice. "Why did you run?" he asks me.
"Because I don't like talking about my past." I say.
"Why?"
"Because my past is.....painful."
" What could possibly be so painful about your past?"
"You ask a lot of questions." I say looking at him now.
"We established that six months ago James." he says,"Now answer my question."
        I pause trying in to figure out my words correctly and look at my feet. "My mother died about three years ago." I said,"My youngest brother Flynn and my father both died two years ago." I say looking back out at the Asgardian sunset. "My father," I continued "was not very... gentle with me." I say.
"Gentle how?" he asked.
"My father," I say slowly. "abused me."
        I know realize that Loki is the only person, besides my brothers, I've told. I cringe at the other memories, of the things my father did to me. Loki must have seen this because his next question, was the one thing I've wanted to tell for a very long time. " Did he ...touch you?' He asked hesitantly. My stomach churns and makes me feel sick at the memory, "Yes," I say,"he touched me." I then feel years of anger trying yo claw it self out of me. I grip the railing harder, wanting to scream so loud and so long the people in Paris can hear me. Loki's expression changes from worry, to rage and then changing to shock. He turns me towards him and hugs me into his chest. My arms wrap around his waist and he starts to hold my head. I put my head closer to his chest feeling the coolness of his skin and armor. "If anyone and I mean anyone," he says,"tries to do that to you again. I will personally skin them alive." 
"Why do you care about what happens to me?" I ask while he still holds me.
"Because I care for you," he says,"and I promise to never, ever let anyone hurt you again."
"No one's ever said that to me before." I say my voice cracking as I say this.
         He then pulls me away, just far enough apart that our foreheads and noses touch. As he grabs the sides of my head with his hands he says, "Then no ones ever cared for you like I do." I put my hands on his chest as he comes in closer to my lips, but I do not stop him. His cold lips collide with mine, our movements in sync. His hands travel down from my face to around my waist pulling me in closer deepening the kiss. I then wrap my thin arms around him and kiss him just as deeply back. He then puts his tongue in my mouth and I let him explore it. 

        I shoot up in my bed, sweat plastering my raven hair against my face and neck. I'm breathing heavily, my dream was about Loki. He looked younger and his hair was shorter. That's when it hit me, that wasn't a dream it was a memory. The first time I ever kissed Loki, the first time I ever told someone about my father-- my father.... The memories of his abuse towards me stormed back, I remembered my mother, my younger brother Flynn, and my cowardly brother Charlie. All these memories at once were far to much, I clutched my head hoping it would relieve the pain. It did not, I then screamed for Loki, he came running in and knelt beside the bed. "What is it James?"
"My memories," I breathed, "their all coming back at once." His eyes widened.
"How much do you remember?" I looked into his eyes.
" Our first kiss." I told him, making him smiled.

        This smile made me believe this was a step in the right direction.