Broken (Loki love Story)

PTSD

    "YOU BITCH!!" my father smacks me across the face. I fall to the ground and hold my cheek, I feel like I am nothing. I wish he would stop torturing me, I wish he would just stab me and leave me for dead. I wish he would leave me alone, let me live, let me say my own words. I.....I wish he would.... No I don't want that, I wouldn't wish such a thing on, even my father. 
I hate him..
I hate him..
I hate him..
        Hate is a strong word but it is true, I truly hate him. You know he started sexually abusing me last week. He... he molested me. I begged him to stop, to let me go. He just grabbed me by the throat and hissed at me to shut up. He then continued on about what he was doing. He was mildly abusive before my mother died, but now he is worse. He's....insane. Completely and utterly mad.
        As I lay on the floor holding my cheek, I look at the hard wood while holding back tears. I admire every single little line in the wood, I see the different colors and the true beauty of it. This only helps me temporarily,"LOOK AT ME!!" he screams. I look up from the hard wood. His green eyed burning with rage, his chin length dark brown hair points in every direction. I look at him and I am relieved I look noting like this man, nothing like me abuser. "Yes." I say quietly, my face is an unemotional stone.
"YOU ADDRESS ME AS FATHER, WHORE!!" He says getting closer to me.
"Yes... father." these words are like acid in my mouth, I hate calling his man father.
"Good." He says calmly with a sinister grin on his face. "Now," he knee's down to me, "Why were you late?"
"There was traffic," I lied, "there was nothing is could do." I lie because I lost track of time, by the time I looked at the clock I was going to be late.
"Traffic?" he said looking at me in disbelief,"At midnight on a Sunday!"
"Yes." Another lie.
"LIAR!" he screams and smacks me across the face. My hair is covering my face now, I'm not looking at this awful man.
        He grabs my jaw with his hands and pulls me up forcibly from the ground. "You think it's okay to lie to me? Huh?" He says raising his eyebrows, insanity sparks in his eyes. He is now holding my throat, he drags me down to the wine cellar and locks the door. He yanks me down the stairs and throws me against a wine rack. "I'm going to show you what I'm going to do from now on when you lie to me." He says. He grabs me by the neck and is laying on top of me. "GET OFF OF ME!!" I yell at him, I know what he's going to do. "NO!" He screams in my ear. He start's to undo my jeans and his own. "Just relax honey, "He says, " I till be over before you know it." He rapes me. And all I can do in that time is look under the rakes of wine, at the furnace light and try to shut it all out.

        I shoot up straight in my bed, my sweat is causing my hair to plaster to my neck, shoulders and the sides of my face. I looks to the side of me and see Loki. He is fast asleep, I let out a sigh of relief. I then get out of bed and walk to the door opening it so Loki cannot hear. I walk across the hall and open that door just as quietly. I see Percy laying in his bed with his teddy in his arms and a thumb in his mouth. I put and hand on my heart as I start to relax. I then closer the door and move to the room next to it. Opening the door absolutely silent, I peek in and I see Chai fast asleep. His blankie draped over his front his arms on either side of the bed. I start to calm down more so, I then close the door and go to Bae's room. I open it and walk over to the crib in the corner. I put my hands on the railing and peer over, I see my youngest son, on his back, covered in blanket's with his head turned to one side. 
        I smile, I am so relieved my family is still here. I try so hard to forget my past and move on but I cannot. It's like asking someone to forget their first love. It's entirely impossible, I think back to those days. I see how well my life has played out for me, in his damn face.He said I would never find love, that I would never get married and have children. Well here I am, going just that. I showed that pompous ass that I am more than what he thought I was. I hated that man, but he never deserved to die the way he did.  He was tortured to death, they found him cut open. His innards falling out of his body, they told us he was tortured for days.
        I walk back into my room and see Loki laying awake reading with the bed side table light on. He looks at me questionably and closes his book, setting it down on his lap. I say by the door, holding the knob. "Where did you go?" he asked me.
"I went to makes sure the boys were all... here." I tell him.
"Why?" He says making his voice slightly deeper.
"Because," I walk over and sit close to his knees on the bed. "I had a dream, about Magnus."
"Which one?" He asked, yes I had had multiple dreams about my father's abuse. Nick says I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
"The first time he..." I wave my hand in a circle, then pinch the bridge of my nose.
"It's alright darling." He says, sitting up and holding me close while rubbing circle's on my back.
"I know," I say and look up at him, "I have you and the boys." I say smiling.
"Your stuck with us, I hope you know that." He jokes.
"It is not so bad." I say pecking his lips, I then bring my head back down the his chest.
"Your happy.. right?" He asks. I look up at hims.
"I have never been more happy in my entire life." I say looking deep in his icy blue eyes, "Loki you loved me, you married me, you gave me three beautiful son's. I wouldn't trade that for the world."
"Thank god for that." He says pulling me in for a tight embrace. 
"Your stuck with me now ,I hope you know that." I say smiling in his chest.
"I wouldn't trade that for the world my love." He kisses the top of my head.
"Good." I tell him, I then look up at him, "Because your not getting away that easy."

        Every word I said to him was true, I am happy. Completely and utterly happy.