Tears of a Clown

13

"Have you spoken to him?" Christian asked Olivia while raking her nails through her scalp.

They were cuddled up in Olivia's bed chatting like they used to do when they were little. Christian admired her little sister's strength, but she was also very aware that Liv had deep issues that she hid well.

After witnessing the death of her mother, Olivia had a few complications. Sometimes she'd have spells where she'd cut everyone off and stay locked inside her house for weeks at a time.

Shifting her body so that her head was on Christian's chest, Liv looked up and answered, "No."

"Why not? It's clear from all this moping around that you miss him, You can't keep doing this Liv."

"What exactly am I doing Chris? If you haven't noticed, I have no control over this shit." Liv pouted.

"That's not what I meant. I'm talking about running from love. It's ok to let people in sissy."

Olivia let out a sarcastic chuckle. It wasn't love she was running from. More like the pain when the love was no longer enough. Things were always good in the beginning stages of a relationship, but what Liv wasn't looking forward to was the emotions that came after that honeymoon phase.

It's normal to always want to see and talk to someone when you're just getting to know them, but what happens when that feeling becomes worn out and you start to feel suffocated? Where does that leave the other person? Those were the things that frightened Olivia the most.

Liv's parents were together for twelve years before her mother's untimely demise. She couldn't exactly say when things took a turn for the worse, but Oliver was with Christy for at least four of those twelve years.

Olivia was damn near seeing her just as much as she saw her mom, if not more.

That's the part that messed with her mind.

It's easy for people to say 'Just because that happened with them, doesn't mean it'll happen to you.' But when you've witnessed that type of shit first-hand, there was no coming back from that. Especially to see it play out like it had.

"Definitely not running from love, nice try though," Liv frowned. If the feeling of Christian's nails raking against her scalp wasn't feeling so good, she'd probably ask her to leave.

There was nothing worse than someone trying to tell you something about you. No one knew what it was like to live inside Olivia's body, but Olivia.

They didn't have to deal with the anxiety and depression, or the guilt of feeling like she was also to blame for her mother's death. Maybe if she had said something her mom would still be alive. That was the shit Olivia had to deal with. She was so tired of everyone acting like Anita's death was something she was supposed to just get over.

"Scenario," Christian stated pulling Olivia from her thoughts.

Liv rolled her eyes with a sigh and replied, "Shoot."

"Ok, so what if Gunna turns out to be everything you thought you never wanted? What if he breaks through that brick wall you call a heart, and you end up falling in love. What happens then?"

Christian was so animated that it almost made Liv laugh, almost.

Instead she sat up on the bed and tucked one foot underneath her butt. Liv really needed to clarify a few things and wanted to be sure that she had Chris's undivided attention.

"What if a fish fell in love with a bird?" Olivia asked.

"Huh?" Christian frowned up at the question. She had no idea where Liv was going with this.