Tears of a Clown

24

Frowning at the sight of the sun peeking through the blinds Gunna groaned in frustration while turning on his side. A half-empty bottle of Hennessey sat on the nightstand beside the bed that wasn't his own.

Jolting up quickly he had to lie back down to stop the room from spinning.

"Relax," Olivia stated from the chair in the corner of her room. Throwing the thin throw blanket from across her body she stood up and stretched.

"What the fuck," Gunna groaned, fighting to pull it together.

"My sentiments exactly. Especially when I found your drunk ass passed out on my doorstep. What's up with you?"

Gunna went to speak, but instead vomit spewed from the back of his throat.

"Oh my God!" Liv yelled, tossing her hands up in the air. She stormed out of the room and rushed to grab towels and bleach. "Move," she kicked Gunna.

Rolling out of the bed Gunna laid out on his back and closed his eyes, "I'm sorry." He voiced.

"Tell me something I don't know Gunna!" Olivia yelled, snatching the sheets from her bed and tossing them to the floor. "Look at you, what the fuck is going on?"

"I'm good," he mumbled.

"You're not! You're not fucking good, look at you. I've never even seen you drunk before and now you're doing it carelessly?! You said that you got yourself into some serious shit, right? So how stupid is it for you to walk around out of your head?"

Gunna was hearing Liv, but the sound of her voice was only making his head pound harder. Sliding his body up he positioned his back against the nightstand.

"You don't have shit to say?" Olivia asked, waiting for a response.

"What you want me to say Liv, huh? Everybody can't live a perfect little fairytale life. Not everyone has the luxury of having a rich family that can tuck them away in a nice little house while they just focus on school. Some of us have to grind and get out of the fucking mud! So don't turn your nose up at me when you don't know what the fuck I've been through."

"Perfect? You think my fucking life is perfect? I had to watch my mother point a gun at me because my father bluntly stated that he was only with her because of me!" Liv jammed her finger in her chest. "And then I had to watch my father blow her fucking brains out of the back of her head-"

"Olivia-" Gunna tried cutting in.

"No! Fuck you. I was a fucking child Donavan! Do you know what that shit did to me? I'll tell you. After seeing a countless number of shrinks I was diagnosed with a form of psychosis. You know what that it is? Schizophrenia! I sometimes hallucinate, I have anxiety attacks, and most nights I wake up and see my mom standing over me holding that same gun! That is my fucking reality! Do you see me running around getting drunk, acting out, or blaming other people for my problems? No, you don't. I take my meds, do what the fuck I have to do, and I live my fucking life!" Liv screamed.

She was so tired. Tired of everyone else weighing her down with their problems, tired of her mind fighting against her heart, and tired of hiding her real self. There was no hiding from the truth.

Olivia felt like if people knew she was a looney no one would want to deal with her. Her condition was a lot. Some days were good, and others were terrible. Sometimes she'd sleep all day because she was afraid that her mother would show up at night.

Even facing all that she had Olivia still found it in herself to advocate for other people. To be their shelter in the midst of a storm when she was fighting through her own. She was beyond exhausted.