Special girl

11

There are times I want people to understand me. Why are you so shy? They would ask.

So there are times I would tell them a story.

When I was in grade 1 my parents went to work abroad so they left me and my sister to the care of my grandparents 14 hours away from the place we are currently living in. I rarely see my aunts, uncles and grandparents there because they are far away so I don't really know them also because they speak a dialect I don't understand.
I was transferred to the nearby school in when classes for the first quarter is already halfway through.
When my mom left she told me to take care of my sister.
She said she would call so I stood vigil by the phone but for the first few days I keep missing the calls my grandparents would distract me tobtake me away from the phone.
You have to understand that when I was 5 and younger I was a very talkative and curious kid I get into a lot of trouble but I'm the kid who gets told only once and I would never do it again. I don't really get spanked by my mom, my dad never.
In my grandparents household and in my school getting spanked is normal discipline is in forced by hand, by a stick, a bamboo
Stick shaped liked a whip used on horses.
At school you learn to behave because if you get listed as noisy the number of times you get listed is the number of time my teacher would hit my palm with a stick.
If we have a quiz the number of wrong answers is the number of times you get hit. And you have to shout out the number for every hit. That's how I learned how to count.
For the first few weeks I forget how to read. For another I refused to go to school without an adult present I believed she won't hit me if someone else is there. I would leave the room if I don't see the person who is accompanying that day. But I didn't get my way for long in the end I have to go to school alone.
When she hits me I would cry sometimes if its to painful I would remain in front crying hoping someone would pick me up and console but no one would, my classmates can't even get up from their chair in the end I have to pick my self up and go back to my chair.

I would tell this to some people and they would ask " your quiet because your afraid you'll get spanked/hit?"

I can't explain to them that its not the case. I don't even cry for those moments anymore but the fear has remained in everything I do. The fear when you speak, the fear that you have to be still. I have to be a good girl. If you're quiet you don't get scolded. That's what they thought me.

But now they won't accept it.

People would listen but they don't really understand. If you get hurt you have to get over it. Everyone has their own problems to deal with mine. So I have stopped telling the story because in the end people don't remember it.