Everything Has Changed: Book Four

Chapter Two: love you

Chapter Two: love you

I was expecting him to show up.

I really, seriously was, but as I sit at Emily's bedside with her bedtime story, my heart hurts.

Our baby girl is starting her first day of school tomorrow, and her Daddy is missing it.

And it's not his fault, but if he wanted to be here, he would find a way.

"Momma, I don't want to go to school without Daddy." Emily whispers.

I look down at the book on my lap and nod.

"I know Cutie, I know."

She looks down.

I kiss her forehead and open The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn.

Clearing my throat, I begin to read.

"Chester Raccoon stood at the edge of the forest and cried. "I don't want to go to school," he told his mother. "I want to stay home with you. I want to play with my friends. And play with my toys. And read my books. And swing on my swing. Please may I stay home with you!""

*****

I sit in bed, my damp hair wetting the pillow. The photo album rests in my lap and I'm staring at a picture I took when I had the flu. I was so sick but Emily was going to spend the day with Beatrice and Caleb and Danny was standing in the bathroom in sweatpants and a t-shirt and in the picture, he's brushing her hair with a smile.

I have no shame in admitting that Emily is a Daddy's girl. The bond she has with her Dad is strong and the fact that he missed her birthday and now her first day of school? It's hurting her, and I'm frustrated because I want to get upset with him but I can't because I'm the only who told him he could go. I told him it was a good idea.

I look at the next picture and my heart hurts. We were in the pool. Abby and her husband and their son, Kyle and Miley and Micah and their daughter, my Dad, Beatrice and Caleb, and me and Ethan when he was about six months old. Emily was Ethan's age. Danny threw her up in the air and his arms were outstretched to catch her. She had a huge smile on her face and he had a huge smile on his.

There is another picture of that day with Ethan on Danny's shoulders.

He always scares the shit out of me when he tosses the kids around, but he's always so careful and gentle.

I look longingly at the empty side of the bed and sigh.

This is going to be a long night.

My phone vibrates with a FaceTime call from him, and for the first time, I really just don't want to talk to him.

I want him here with me in person. I'm struggling being alone and I hate feeling like a single Mom.

But this is the best I can get for now, so I hit answer and put the photo album on my bedside table.

It says connecting and a moment later, his face appears on my screen.

"Hi." He says softly.

"Hey."

"Is Em in bed?"

"Yes. She has school tomorrow."

He looks away from the camera and I see the frustration on his face.

"I know that. I'm sorry."

"I know."

We sit in silence and I feel my throat tightening as I look at him, specifically because he's shirtless in bed, which means he's not planning on surprising us. And I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts to see him through a screen.

All hope is lost. He's in bed. He's not coming home.

"Do you know what day you're coming back yet?" I ask.

"No sweetheart, I wish that I did."

I look down, nodding.

"Well are you guys almost done?"

"They were bringing in parts from New York but that hurricane hit last week and they can't leave for another week, which means the parts won't be here for two weeks."

"So it's being pushed back two more weeks." I whisper. "It keeps getting pushed back and pushed back."

"I know." He whispers. "I'm just upset about it as you. In fact, I'm probably more upset than you are. I'm stuck here in this stupid hotel, alone, and you're at home with our kids."

"Are you going to be home for Halloween?" I mumble.

"I don't know."

"But you said you were coming back in September, Danny. Actually, you were supposed to be back in June, and then it went to September, and now you might not even be back for Halloween? You left in March!"

"I know." He says.

My heart clenches.

What if he's not back for Halloween?

"Danny, you already missed Easter." I remind him. "And Emily's birthday. And now you're missing her first day of school, next month is Ethan's third birthday, and you're probably going to miss that, too."

"Grace." He says roughly. "I know. This isn't a vacation. If I could be home right now, I would. I'm in the middle of this project. I can't abandon this lady. She's a widow."

"But instead you're abandoning your family." I mutter.

"I'm not abandoning you guys." He says, frustrated. "I'm doing everything I can to get home!"

"Then how the hell does it keep getting pushed? It's been pushed twice now!"

He runs his hands across his face and shakes his head.

"I'm not having this conversation. I'm sorry. I have responsibilities."

"Yeah, you want to know my responsibilities? I'm pretty much a single mother. You do realize that, right?"

"Gracelyn, you were the one that told me to come here!" He exclaims. "You told me you and the kids would be fine! At least you get to see them!"

"You know what Daniel? If you really, truly wanted to show up for them, you would. You weren't there when she woke up on her birthday and she didn't see you. Every time an important day comes, the hope builds up until she spends the day before glued to the window in hopes of seeing you get dropped off. Every morning of the important day, guess who has to sit there and hold her while she cries? Me. I see the hope build up in her as the day creeps closer, and then I see the hope get crushed. Every. Single. Time."

"So do you want to try walking in my shoes?" He snaps. "The only reason I'm here is because you told me to come. I didn't want to. I'm sick of going to bed alone. I'm sick of waking up and not having one of our kids crawl into the bed with us. I'm sick of it. I fucking hate California. I want to come home, but you know what? I can't. I made a commitment to that lady to get her house fixed up, and you made a commitment to me when you married me to support me, so can you stop making me feel like shit when it was you that told me to fucking come here in the first place?"

I wipe angrily at my wet cheeks.

"I'm going to bed."

"Seriously?" He asks.

"Yeah. Seriously. I can't have this conversation with you."

"Fine. Whatever. Bye."

"Yeah. Bye." I whisper.

I hit the end button until my screen goes back to my home screen, and then I bury my face in my hands and start sobbing.

A moment later, my phone vibrates with a text.

I rub my eyes until my tears clear up.

Hubby: love you

Me: love you too