gorgeous;

03

(warning, self harm, read on your own risk)

~jinyoung's pov~

i woke up at 5am because of another nightmare. my nightmares are normally about when i was bullied and they would throw shit at me or when my father abused me.
this time it was about my father abusing me.

"YOU ARE WORTHLESS"
my father screamed at me, throwing things.

"i-i'm sorry f-father"
i said, trying not to cry because he will just be happy about it

"DO NOT CALL ME THAT. YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THIS FAMILY. YOUR MOTHER DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!"
he screamed
by then i started to cry and when he noticed that, he smirked and looked very proud.

"you are so weak aren't you?"
when he didn't get a response he started to kick me in the stomach
after some time of him kicking me and harassing me he eventually got out and left my life less body there.

i started to sob quietly but my sobs got louder and louder. right now i was happy that mark wasn't home.

i easily got anxiety attacks but i couldn't help it. mark wasn't here to calm me down so i just sat there and cried my eyes out.

it was in this kind of situation i self harmed because i remembered how worthless i am and how i don't deserve to be alive.
i walked into my bathroom and took out the razor blade and pulled up my sleeve.
i placed the razor blade on my forearm and started to cut.
i hate that i'm harming myself but this is the only way that helps me and i deserve it.
blood came out of my arm and i sighed when i saw it dripping into the sink.
i cut a little more and when i thought it was enough i rinsed the sink and then my arm. it stung but i didn't care.
i placed the razor blade in it's place and i walked out.

the time was now 5:40 and i was still tired so i decided to sleep. but before i slept i checked my phone to see if something happened while i was sleeping. i scrolled through my notifications but something caught my eyes.
a text from an unknown number

"hey gorgeous"
i smiled a little and wrote back, i didn't care that it was early.

"hi, i didn't get your name actually haha"
i thought i wrote something stupid but i already pressed send.
i thought of course that he wasn't awake now so i got very surprised when i got a response pretty fast

"the name is im jaebum, gorgeous"
i blushed at the nickname and named his number "jaebum"

"oh okay thanks!"
i wrote back

"gorgeous why are you awake now?"
he asked me and i couldn't tell him about my nightmare and cutting myself so i came up with an excuse.

"i needed to use the bathroom haha"
i lied and i hate to lie but i just couldn't tell him the truth

"okay, i really like calling you gorgeous"
he wrote and i started to like the nickname but it wasn't true, i'm not gorgeous at all

"haha i'm not gorgeous jaebum"
i wrote back

"oh yes you are gorgeous jinyoung"

"no i'm not but thank you jaebummie"
i laughed at the named i called him but it's cute

"hmm, jaebummie, cute"
he wrote back

"yes you are cute"
"yes you are cut|
"yes you are cu|
"yes you are c|
"yes you are|
"yes you ar|
"yes you a|
"yes you|
"yes yo|
"yes y|
"yes |
"yes|
"ye|
"y|
|
"haha do you like it?"
i asked him

"yeah haha. gorgeous you should sleep we can talk more later. i want to know you better"
i was happy that the wanted to get to know me and he was right, i should sleep.

"okay jaebummie i'm gonna sleep. i want to know you better too!"
i wrote and i changed his name to "jaebummie" instead of "jaebum"

"great, sleep well gorgeous"

"you too jaebummie"
i answered and then i went back to sleep, exited that i'm gonna get to talk to jaebum later.

___________________________
hello beautiful babies! i actually like this chapter, well if you don't count the self harming stuff. and i'm sorry if you're sensitive about suicide and self harm!
i hope that you liked this chapter:)
ily<3