Adopted Love (Bradley Will Simpson)

Tables have turned

Can you be alive but not be living? It's a stupid question really but just think? Yeah, we have a heart beat and all but that shouldn't determine if we are living or not. What should however is what we do, how we do it.  Life should be made the most of because it doesn't last, it fades. It shouldn't be wasted either, to be living is different. It's making the most of the things around you, it's also looking at things from a different perspective. It may be an average Monday but why should it be the same as all the others. Make that Monday into one you'll remember, do something you enjoy and simply live.

Right now I am alive but am I honestly living? I thought things were improving for them to only cave in and suffocate me.

It's been 3 days since my mum returned, like I should really keep count but I did. My phone has been blowing up with calls from Tessa, I explained to her not to come for me on Monday because i wasn't well. She wasn't buying it, I knew she wouldn't, she played along with it by telling me to get well soon though.

I knew she had to return one day, I wanted her to come back to find how unfazed of her disappearance I was but I crumbled, I couldn't take it. I was so caught off guard and unprepared, I seemed weak, so, so weak and that's how I definitely did not want her to see me. I wanted to be cold and bitter towards her so she'd understand how I don't need her, how I don't need anyone.

That's what I need to do, I need to be cold and bitter so she'll suffer. She made everyone else suffer so now it's my chance, tables have turned, mother. I'll start by ignoring her then all of a sudden talk, it'll catch her off guard and she'll be speechless.

I text Tessa plans to meet me at the food court in the mall so we can talk. We kinda need to because it's time for me to learn to vent my thoughts out to people. It's strange really, how I'm prepared to do that for Tessa but not my own mother, it's understandable why though, there's no denying that.

Before leaving I prepare myself for the day. I tame my hair by smoothing the waves and adding a little hairspray for control. I apply my usual makeup that consists of foundation, blush and a swipe of mascara. I then grab a pair of highwaisted skinny jeans and a cropped, white bardot top. I pair this with my floral kimono and ankle boots. After glancing in the mirror one last time, fixing my hair also, I grab my purse and keys and head downstairs.

My palms begin to sweat at the thought of having to face her but I rub them on my jeans and continue down the stairs towards the living room, the only way to reach the front exit of the house. I hear them before I see them, of course because my mother has always been loud. They sit at the dining table discussing which is probably me with a mug of coffee in hand. As I stride towards the front door their heads snap in my direction causing me to feel anxious, I halt a couple of meters away from their cosy meeting.

"You look lovely dear, I especially like what you've done with your hair." THE CHEEK OF THAT WOMAN IS CATASTROPHIC AND INCASE YOU WERE UNAWARE I ALWAYS HAVE MY HAIR LIKE THIS BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WOULD YOU. I narrow my eyes at my now uncomfortable mother who gulps and quickly turns away.

"Aunt Rose I'm meeting Tessa at the mall, I won't be home for dinner because I'll have already eaten. I'll call you later." She gives me a small nod and wave as I leave the house.

I jump into my car and head to the mall.

"Saff! Over here" Tessa calls me from a table about 10 meters away. May God praise this girl who hands me a large milkshake and cheeseburger. I wolf my meal down as she eyes me with suspicion.

"Okay, spit it out. What's going on, I want to know every last detail and I mean it Saff. No more hiding things from now on, it isn't healthy."

I wait a few moments before speaking, being sure to gather my thoughts to at least make some sense of them for now.

"Well... She's back."

Her mouth practically hits the floor as I uncover the news to her.

"You mean your mum? She's finally back after what, three years?" I nod and continue.

"Yeah, you know after you dropped me back from the mall on Sunday she was in my living room. The worst part is I feel no happiness to see her, I only feel anger, I mean she left me and its been three years since I've seen her."

"It's perfectly normal to feel that way Saff, you have every right to feel the way you do."

"I'm glad you agree because I need your help with something Tessa."

"What is it?"

"I'm trying my best to ignore her until she'll crack and tell me how sorry she is that she left and all the rest. I'm doing this so she can see what's she's done to me, I want her to feel at least a tiny bit of guilt. I just need your approval, am I overreacting about this?"

"Maybe a little from anyone else's perspective but they'll never know what it feels like, only you know Saff. As long as you feel you're doing something right, do it. Don't bother to care what I have to say or anyone else for that matter, just do it."

This conversation has helped clear my head at least a little. I am doing the right thing aren't I? I'm not a hateful person so it's going to be a challenge keeping my guard up especially when all I want to is hug her and tell her how much I've missed her.

I'm sure I can do this, it'll be fine.

Everything will be fine.

Everything apart from Liam.

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Oooooo Saff is going mad