letters with zach

letter exchange 9

letter exchange 9

dear zach,

no one has noticed what ive been doing to myself, im glad. although, earlier today judy walked in on me before i could cut my hips some more. i havent been able to do anything today because judy wont leave, but tomorrow will be twice as hard on me.

dont worry zach, this isnt your fault. that restraining order has always been a mistake, always will be. you helped me realize something by using the tough-love thing on me too. i have to stay strong, but, just like in algebra, i cant do it!

so, im gonna die. im just beyond levels of done. im going to kill myself for real this time. i am going to succeed!

i stole EDD pills from kyla when i visited her yesterday. i will wait to die. ill read one more of your letters. after reading your next and last letter to me, im going to kill myself. although, i dont receive a letter by four days from now, im just going to die.

so, this is it. goodbye zach wheeler. i will miss you and i hope youll miss me too. im sorry for all this additional pain i have to cost you but its what i need.

love, lindsey

ps. i said it back. its only true.

dear lindsey,

i am so scared to write back. as soon as i send this im going to talk to duke. lindsey, please dont kill yourself. ill miss you too much, so will duke. and sara too!

you have no idea how scared i am. i dont know what to do. i cant lose you i wont let myself lose you.

i dont want to say goodbye but i dont want to have to possibly lose you without a goodbye.

so in case i am not there to save you in time, i miss you. i love you too. i always have and i always will. if i dont make it in time i will never forgive myself.

now, i apologize for the tears all over the paper. the guy who never cries is crying over you - just proving how special you are. well, i have to talk to duke and your parents now. im praying you are okay by the time we do something.

love, zachary.