letters with zach

letter exchange 7

letter exchange 7

dear zach,

oh my goodness, zach. im so sorry about sara. i miss her too. i hope im back soon enough to say goodbye. i hope she stays strong. my, she doesnt deserve to have cancer. sara is so sweet to everyone - im sure she doesnt have a mean bone in her body.

i know your parents loss was hard for you, i wish i couldve stayed to help you through it but i was sent away! didnt they understand they were putting you through pain as well?!

youre not a failure. just because sara has cancer and is continuing to be ill, isnt your fault. it just happened. cancer is a tough disease to cure - youre not a doctor so theres really not much you can do to help. youre doing a perfect job at being a best friend a good big brother.

what they did - separating us wasnt a good idea. i wish theyd just realize that! i dont get it either zach. you should ask duke about it. ask him if my parents ever talked about how they thought you were bad for me. they always seemed to like you, even though you didnt come over often.

my parents are probably just out to destroy my life. thats what it is. thats what its got to be! i dont feel threatened by you! you and duke are the only people i feel safe with now! oh, and judy.

i went to the doctors again today because my advisor thought i was looking quite pale. judy gained another two pounds and i was so happy for her (judy was here for anorexia too). i lost 4 pounds, but i swear i only made myself throwup twice! my advisor actually looked so worried, usually shes really mean and yells at me. but this time, the cold-hearted witch actually stared at me empathetically. then, i realized she does care about me. she wants me to be healthy and she uses tough love because thats what shes so used to..

im here for 11 more months, now, zach. im beginning to think ill never get out. but i truly do want to, so i went to my counsellor for the first time since i started writing you. he called kyla and monique down to his office. apparently they have EDD. i feel really bad for them, zach.

xx, lindsey

dear lindsey,

i know, i know about all the sara stuff. i still tell her to stay strong because i dont want to lose her and i need to stay strong for her too. its hard, though, knowing theres a 99% chance you are going to lose your 9 year old sister that your parents trusted her life to you?! sorry, about the little rant. i know you know what its like to lose someone you love, just maybe not in my precise situation.

twice? you only told me you did it once. lindsey...you have to talk to me. you have to trust me. why twice? what happened that made you do it twice? is there somethings you arent telling me?

i hate this. i feel so left out because i dont get to see you, i dont get to see your conditions. im so frustrated right now. you may receive this later then you would on a regular basis. i just need time to cool off before i continue writing. im not mad at you, just myself.

okay, im back now.

i feel like i dont know much about you anyone, what with you being far away. i thought i had asked you to talk to your counsellor multiple times. i know you feel you dont need to, but you do. your counsellor is supposed to be helping you, i am too. but hes professionalized, i am not. he will help you more, i can honestly say.

i just wish it was a perfect world, then neither of us would have to suffer so deeply.

i didnt know what EDD was until i looked it up a second ago. empathy deficit disorder? seems pretty serious, but it gives them no right to get away with being disrespectful toward you. they should be on meds or something.

after you made yourself throw up, have you been feeling well? please, dont lie to me. i feel like ive been lied to too many times.

love, zach