Help me save my balls? (Sterek)

Help me save my balls? (Sterek) Chapter 1

"No"

"Please Derek? It's only a couple of days and it won't even..."

"I'm not doing it. No Stiles. Absolutely not."

"Aww come on man..."

Derek cut Stiles off with a growl, but Stiles was unfazed.

"Yeah, yeah growl all you want, little puppy. Your days of scaring me shitless are over." Stiles grumbled. He stared down at the ground and kicked the uneven dirt. They were standing just outside the newly renovated Hale house and Derek had been scowling since Stiles had started pleading at him to join him at his family's Christmas reunion, which now only consisted of Stiles, Sheriff Stilinski and Mrs Stilinski, the Sheriff's mother.

"Why do want me to come?" Derek huffed.

"Because Grandma Stilinski said, and I quote 'either bring DELICIOUS homemade cookies (trust me, I'll know if you made them) or a incredibly attractive boyfriend, or I will cut off one and a half of your balls. I can't bake and I quite like both my balls fully in tact, thank you very much." Stiles whined.

"You think I'm incredibly attractive?" Derek inquired. Though Stiles couldn't tell, Derek was furiously trying to hide a blush and even though managed to keep the colour from crawling to his cheeks, he knew the tips of his ears were definitely not completely blush-free. Stiles was not so lucky. Turing bright pink, Stiles started mumbling.

"Well... I mean... Of course you... Why wouldn't I... Have you seen you? How is that even fair?"

"Stiles?"

"Shut up?" Stiles asked and Derek grunted a agreement.

"Shutting up..."

"Can't you get any of the other wolves to do it?"

"My grandma knows Scott; Jackson is away with family, not that he'd do it anyway; Boyd and Erica are off somewhere no one will ever find fucking each others brains out, and pretty much the whole world knows I'm about as straight as two rainbows circling round a unicorn, so none of the girls would work."

"I didn't know that." Derek chokes, surprise obvious on his face.

"Then you have a pretty shitty Gaydar" Stiles said so quietly, it was almost a whisper.

"So it seems..." Derek says, nearly getting lost in thought "Anyway, your father knows me, doesn't he?"

"My father also knows I would like to keep both my bollocks attached to my body..."

"He's the Sheriff, shouldn't he be able protect your bollocks?" Derek said.

"She's his mum and she is fucking terrifying " Stiles retorted. "She's a lovely lady by the way" he adds when he realises he's supposed to be convincing him to spend time with this woman.

"Whatever"

"Soooo..." Stiles said, dragging out the 'Oo' to try and minimise awkwardness. It didn't work, so he started pleading again.

"Come on Derek. 3 days. 72 hours (and the 5 hour drive both ways) it's a nice house. You won't even have to do anything. Just sit there and smile. No, scratch that, just sit there and tolerate. There will be food and shelter and festivity! Where's your holiday sprit? If I get my balls cut off cus you're being selfish, I swear to god yours will get the same treatment..."

"Ok" Derek said

"I'm not joking. Snip, snip mother fuc... Wait what? Really? Why?" He asks, obviously confused. "Never mind. I mean great. Be ready for three days in the middle of nowhere and a 5 hour drive at 6am tomorrow. You've promised now, you can't back out. Snip, snip, remember." Stiles had started rambling again.

"I wasn't planning on it. Is that all? Can I have some peace now before I have to spent multiple full days around you?"

"Actually no." Derek sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. "Oh come on its not my choice, but we have to get our stories straight, or I'll be castrated. Is that what you want? Me with no balls? Well half a ball..."

"Shut up Stiles. What stories?" Derek huffed, Stiles assumed it was because he was losing what little patience he had, but Derek was actually getting a little hot under the collar at the thought of Stiles' junk. Stiles being near Derek's junk. Or just Stiles and junk in general. Luckily, he was pulled away from that train of thought when Stiles started speaking again.

"You know, the romantic shit. This is going to be like a fucking interrogation."

"You said all I had to do was 'sit there and tolerate'"

"Well I'm a pathological liar at best..."

"Let's just get this over with..."

They stayed up so late, discussing plausibly stories that Stiles had to stay at the Hale manor as it 'would have been irresponsible to let him drive home in his state.' At least, that's what Derek told himself. So Stiles, having already packed everything, crashed on the sofa and wondered about whether they would be able to save his balls from their terrible fate until he fell asleep, dreading how the next few days would pan out.

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