Help me save my balls? (Sterek)

Chapter 36

Derek's POV

I should really go after Stiles, but I'm frozen in place as my mind ticks over everything he just said. Was that realy how he felt? I couldn't hear him lying, but then again, I wasn't really listening to his heart other than what was flowing out of his mouth. None of it was the slightest bit true though. Stiles is out most valuable pack member, I can't believe he can't see that! That's why I have to protect him, that's why I have to keep him safe!

"Derek!" I hear called and I snap out of my gaze to see Stiles' grandma was the one that said my name, so I look at her, my mind still nitpicking through Stiles' words.

"Yeah?" I answer absent mindedly.

"Show me." It wasn't really a question, more of a demand but my busy brain doesn't really put together what she means.

"What?" I say, instantly feeling bad for being rude.

"Show me that everything Stiles said was true." She explains, forgiving me I guess. I give her my full attention and study her face for any signs of fear or disbelief or anything, but all I see is calm, with a hint of worry, probably for Stiles. I'm pretty sure my face is showing that too, not that anyone but Stiles would be able to tell. I shrug half heartedly, then begin the transformation. I feel my eyebrows and claws grow outand my face contorts into the hideous alter ego I was born with but she doesn't turn away in disgust or anything. All she does is nod her head and say "I see."

"That's it?" I demand. I just changed into one of the ugliest creatures alive right before her very eyes and all she can say is I see? Stiles can barely keep quiet when I go full wolf mode, and he's been around it for years! 

"Yes. That's it. Now. If you're about to follow Stiles, you have to understand... You were born this way, yes?"

"Yes. But-"

"No buts honey, let me finish. If you were born this way, I doubt you have any idea what Stiles is going through. You are this magnificent creature that has everything and then some. I'm not saying your life has been a walk in the park, but Stiles has always thought of himself as not enough, that he's lacking something-"

"He isn't lacking anything!" I can't help myself from saying.

She gives me a tender, sympathetic smile then continues as if she wasn't cut off. "No. He isn't. He is the most amazing child I know. He is smart, beautiful and loyal to a fault, but when you 'bench' him, as he says, it makes him feel like all his fears are true. So go up there, and don't try to sugar coat anything, he'll see right through that and think you're lying to him. Be completely honest and upfront. It's the only way through that thick brain of his." I nod my head to show I understand. I'm not too good at sugar coating anyway. "Besides," She adds "I'm pretty sure his insecurities aren't the only thing that... Never mind, thats for the two of you to work out. Go get 'em tiger." She says and as I turn to leave, she mumbles "Can I say tiger? Should I have said go get 'em wolf? It doesn't really have the same ring..." I shake my head and head to Stiles' room with a small smile on my face.

That is until I remember why I have to talk to him. I knock on the door and call his name out softly. He doesn't answer but I can hear his heart beat and from the sound of it, he's still upset. I call out his name again, slightly louder. The last thing I want to do is intrude and I've never been to good at figuring out when it's time to leave someone alone. But this whole waiting instead of just barging in is something I would never have done in the pre-Stiles days. Yet another example of what a gift he is.

"What do you want Derek?" Stiles finally answers, so quiet I would have missed it, had I been human.

"Can I come in, please? I want to talk." I know I'm not the ideal person for this but Stiles deserves to be happy and so much more so right now, I'll have to do.

"Whatever." He answers. It's not a no. I turn the knob and walk into the room, but it's empty, so peer out the window.

"I'm coming up." I say, before clambering onto the roof to see Stiles huddled in his spot, so I walk up to him, lingering outside the hiding place for his permission to enter. He looks at me and gives me an almost invisible nod before turning back to poke at the tiling and stare at the stars. I walk up and sit beside him, not sure how close to get, so I play it safe, sitting close enough for our legs to touch but nothing else. My decision was obviously wrong however because as soon as I am down, Stiles curls into my side like a babe to its mother. I place my arm round him firmly and just sit in silence for a while. 

The silence gets deafening, however, so I eventually have to break it.

"Do you really believe what you said?"

"You know I'm a crappy liar, Derek." He mumbles.

"Come on, Stiles. You know none of that is true. You aren't weak. In fact, you're one of the strongest people I know. And you're not slowing us down or whatever you think you do. You are the genius. The person that thinks outside the box. The one that always comes up with the plans for us to go defeat the evil!" I say, trying to pour as much emotion into each word as humanly possible.

"Yeah, right." Is all he says, and he sounds so broken my heart shatters.

"How long have you felt this way?" I inquire and then have to add "Stiles?" When he avoids my eyes.

"I don't know Derek. I thought I was ok with not being a wolf... I thought... For pack, to be pack... You all just fit so well and I can never join in."

"Join in? Join in?! Who do you think pushed me to open up to that pack? Who do you think made me and Scott come to a truce and start working together instead of always butting heads? Who do you think it was that gave me the courage to rebuild the house so we could all stay together? There's a reason your room is in the center of everyone elses."

He just shrugs and looks up to the stars, so I grab his shoulders and force him to look at me.

"It's you! It's always been you Stiles! You are the glue for this whole pack and we- I need you!" And with that, I run out of words so instead, I kiss him. To convey all my feelings and say the words I can't get out. And let me tell you, there are a lot of feelings.

***

So there you have it.... Another chapter. But have you noticed this one is more fab that all the others? Yes? Well that's because I had some priceless advice and help from my guardian angel Paradiseisdreamland who helped me so so so so much with the terrible terrible writers block I had and even basically wrote the framework for this whole chapter! So please, show her some love, she is amazing and so so so so helpful! (Not to mention easy on the eyes ;)

But thank you for reading, hopefully soon we can get back to the ultra fluff this story was supposed to be! <3