Help me save my balls? (Sterek)

Chapter 31

"I see what you mean now." Derek says as we're sitting down at the edge of a cliff, him with his legs over the side because he's crazy. To our left, there's a small ledge hanging over the sea below, about 40cm wide and about a meter long with red roses sprouting out of the thin layer of dirt. About a meter to the right from us, there's another ledge about the same size, with blue flowers crowding the overhang.

"How can they just grow like that?" Derek asks, gesturing to the blossoming flowers. "It's the middle of fucking winter!"

"They're like that all year. It's crazy. An old lady tried to take some for her garden once and they died as soon as she dug them up, apparently." There's really old lore about the roses, it's crazy old and completely ridiculous.

"But... Why?"

"You know how the bible says you can't go to hell if you kill yourself?" I asks and Derek nods. "Well legend has it that the true lovers that jump off here, hand in hand will get a fast pass to the clouds, they'll get their own personal heaven."

"If you believe in god?"

"No idea. It's just a legend, to make this place more interesting."

"We'll it's definitely interesting."

"If you wanna know more, we could go to the library later, but whatever you do, don't ask Ma."

"Ok. Why not?"

"I... Um... Probably shouldn't tell you..." I mumble, realising its kind of a buried story no one talks about.

"You're going to anyway, aren't you?" He asks. Am I really that much of a gossip?

"Yeah. Ok. Well did I ever tell you how my gramps died?"

"Freak accident."

"Well yeah kinda."

"We'll Ma and gramps were young and they were not the most... Liked couple."

"Why not?"

"Something to do with social status and gramps' parents. You know how in small towns everyone knows everything about everyone. Anyway, they decided they'd take the plunge and go to heaven together. They assumed that because everyone hated them, they'd go to hell or something. I don't know, crazy young love or something. So they're jumping off, and people behind them, some saying do it, some trying to stop them. They're about to do it, when someone tells Ma she's pregnant, with dad. But gramps goes over and she hesitates."

"Woah."

"Yeah."

"So she keeps living."

"Yeah, and if you ask her about it, all she'll say about it is 'I think I did die and this is my heaven.' Then she won't talk to you for a week."

"That must suck. So your grandfather died?"

"Yeah."

"So according to the lore, me must have gone to hell, right?"

"Apparently. Ma stopped being religious after that though, so I don't know what happens."

"Oh"

"Yeah."

"It's pretty beautiful though." Derek says, staring off the cliff to the sea. It's not warm, there's a bite to the wind but Derek's body heat is enough for the both of us.

"So what do we do now?" I say, for some reason desperate to fill the silence again.

"I don't know, you're the one that brought me here!" He says. Because of how we're sitting, I can feel him say it and I shiver. I try to pass it off as being cold, which works a charm because he puts his arm around me to warm me up a bit.

"What are we doing?" I finally ask with a sigh.

"We're sitting admiring the view." Derek replies.

"You know that's not what I mean."

"Stiles." Derek says, lifting my chin to stare into my eyes. "I like you. I really do. I mean look at you... Anyway, but" I sigh. This sounds like a rejection. "I'm not rejecting you, one sec, just let me say my part." He says, as if reading my mind. "But I really have no idea what's happening. I've never felt like this before. It's not like I don't like what's happening because, oh god, I do. I just... I'm just... I don't know?" He says.

"Do you not want-" I start, gesturing between us, but I'm cut off.

"That's not what I said!" He interrupts. "I totally want... This" He copies my vague gesture and I can't help but smile. "But I have no idea what this is." He says, emphasising this with the gesture again.

"It's whatever you want it to be!" I try to assure him.

"I don't know what I want!" He says, sounding frustrated. Poor thing. He doesn't know what to do with a good thing when it's literally lying in his lap.

"What do you want to happen then?" Trying to coax an answer out of him. "You don't have to label it, but what do you want us to do?"

"I... I want to see you. I want you to be near me. I want us to be happy. I want you to be there when I go to sleep. I want you to be there when I wake up. I want to hold your hand when we walk down the street and I want people to know you're... Mine." He says, stumbling every few sentences and blushing furiously. I interlock one of my hands into his.

"That can be arranged." He smiles sheepishly at me then looks away again.

"But what does it mean?" He says exasperatedly. Clearly this is really getting to him.

"Why does it matter?" Surely if we can both just agree to be happy, then why do labels make a difference.

"Because I don't want to lead you on, or anything like that."

"Trust me, you're not. We can just see how it goes. Then, maybe one day, when you're more confident about what you want, we can go from there. Whatever you want."

"But what about you. What do you want?"

"I want you to make up your own mind. We can just keep going like this until one day, we can maybe become more. Maybe even boyfriends." I squeeze his hand and give him a reassuring smile.

"That sounds good."

***

Ugh I hate writing emotional stuff. It always sounds ridiculously unbelievable.

I've been thinking, and I want to try and get a better, more suitable cover for this book, so if any of you's is arty, maybe message me or something. I was thinking something of Stiles and Derek in Christmas jumpers or antlers or something.... It would be awesome if you could, thanks :)