The House Guest (Unedited)

Chapter 15: In Distress

I feel warm tears streak my face, and I bury my head in my hands. I am in the garden, sunshine tickling the back of my bare neck and a gentle whispering of willow trees sweeping delicately across the wooded garden. I prop my knees to my chest, squeezing my eyes shut, willing myself to fade away into the scenery. A breath of wind kisses my frame, and I inhale deeply, savouring the touch of the sweet wind-washed air on my face.

What have I done?

I have been brooding in my lonesome misery all day. It seems as if my rejection to Henry's proposal was a mistake. The man I have been in love with all these years, hadn't I dreamed of the moment we would run away together those all those long nights when I was at the mercy of Lady Dorothea and subject to Susanna's relentless tormenting?

I lift my face to the sun as I glimpse James Aldridge approaching, his expression fixed upon me intently. I wipe tears from the corners of my eyes with the backs of my hands, and collect my composure.

"Helene," James says, "Are you alright?"

"I suppose. I am perfectly well. I think I'm just tired," I whisper hoarsely.

James nods, though seemingly thoroughly unconvinced. Then, he finds a place beside me and angles his legs towards the pond.

"Helene, I must inquire something of you. I know that this may come as a shock to you, as you have always expressed a most humble and sincere nature, but I have quite enjoyed your company these past weeks." He pauses, his cheeks flushing red, shifting his weight around in the seat he sits. I catch my breath in the back of my throat.

"No - please, Mr. Aldridge. I must insist you continue no further," I subconsciously begin to position myself away from him, my ears ringing with icy adrenaline.

"Forgive me, Helene - Miss Lovell, if you prefer it - I just haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I've become besotted with you, not only for your beauty and grace -- but for your kindness and empathy, the way you interact with Kitty is most heartening. And your sympathy for the abolition movement, something I care deeply about. I want you for my wife, Miss Lovell." He fixes his eyes on me, something mysterious moving behind his brown-eyed gaze.

"Mr. Aldridge, please don't..."

"I must, I cannot simply regard you as a friend. And I cannot stand the thought of concealing my feelings from you, however far-fetched they may be. Helene, please marry me. I will ask Lady Dorothea's permission, and you could help me with my tutoring practise, as you have such a way with children."

"Please, Mr. Aldridge," I repeat, tirelessly aware that I've repeated the phrase twice over the course of our current exchange. "Please sir, do not make this more difficult than it must be. I do not believe that I could be a good bride for you. I must make it clear, I have no connections and no money, and these feelings you have for me, they will surely pass."

He ignores my protestations and continues passionately. "I would have a cottage for the both of us, in the woods. Maybe a farm, and a garden to grow fruits and vegetables. We could have children if you wanted - I will never make enough to give you a lavish lifestyle, but I believe I could support you in order to provide you with a comfortable life." He rakes his hands through his dark hair, and I notice how he hasn't shaven for awhile, a scattering of dark stubble dismantling his otherwise smooth face. He folds his hands together in his lap, then stares at me, pleading.

"Why have you thought of me in such an idealistic way?" I ask, tearing my eyes from him. 

"What do you mean?" Mr. Aldridge breathes, leaning towards me. "You may not see your beauty, Miss Lovell. But I see it. And so does everyone in this estate. That is why they treat you so -- they fear you. You are more of a Lady than they ever will be."