The Various Emotions of Leah and Edward

Part 1: Irreconcilable Differences

Leah's POV

I've never been one to be afraid of vampires. I've been disgusted by them, what they do, their whole way of life took me a while to get used to. It wasn't until I saw myself in one of them for my perspective to be completely and totally altered. My love for Edward had changed me completely and I would like to feel that the feeling is mutual. I knew that tonight when he came home from hunting that our relationship was going to be tested for the first time. Lately, I'd been sick to my stomach which is not normal for one of my kind. I hadn't been sick since I phased for the first time and that was quite a few years ago. Shapeshifters are supposed to be frozen in time. So this couldn't be happening. I didn't think it was possible or else I would've shielded Edward from this. A little pink plus sign on several pieces of plastic had the potential to ruin my relationship. I raked my hands through my hair and splashed some water on my face.

"Shit," I mumbled to myself. I took one of the tests with me as I went back to Edward's bed. I stared at the little plus sign so hard that I actually felt my head start to hurt. God, it'd been a really long time since I'd had a headache. I held my head as I suffered through another dizzy spell. I crawled up to the top of Edward's plush bed and cradled my head against the pillow.

If we were normal, if we were human, this would be a wonderful event. I imagined Edward sweeping me up in his arms and swinging me around and talking to the little person growing inside me. "If we were normal Bella and their child would've lived and I would've had Sam's baby," I whispered. It had been almost a year since Edward and I had begun our relationship. I couldn't lie I found it really weird that I'd become pregnant now. It's not like Edward and I had just started having sex. Sex had been happening since we got together, so what was so different. Was I becoming human again? That wouldn't make sense either. I've been living with vampires for crying out loud and I phased …. When was the last time I phased? I sat upright and my heart began to pound erratically. I'd been so content with my new life that I hadn't been phasing on a regular basis! I sprang off the bed and dropped to ground opened the bottom drawer and rifled through the clothing to locate my journal. I fumbled quickly through the pages until I found the last entry where I'd phased.

"October." I smoothed my hand over the page as I thought about that day and races Edward through the forest. Two months had past snow covered the ground and now a half leech bun was in my oven. "I could be two months along. Just like before." I remembered how horrible I felt losing my little one before. I remembered crying so hard that I vomited violently. I remembered the unbearable cramps and the blood between my legs that spilled to the floor. I clinched my eyes shut and tried to shut of the memories. "No … no I can't go through that again," I declared as I placed my hand on my lower belly. "I'll keep you safe I promise."

Edward's POV

The best thing about coming home after being away was the look that Leah always gave me. She'd wrap her arms around my neck and I'd lift her in my arms. Normally when I came home she'd be in the living room waiting for me but this time she was nowhere to be found.

"It looks like the little woman has gotten tired of you," Emmett teased as he slapped me on the shoulder. Rosalie and Emmett moved past me and headed toward the stairs. I followed behind them because I knew Leah was here and her scent led to her. As I approached my room I heard her light snoring. I opened the door and found her resting peacefully over top of the covers. She had her back towards the door I figured I'd just crawl into bed behind her and wake her up for purely selfish carnal reasons of course. As I slid onto the bed behind her I realized she was holding something and was practically clinching onto it for dear life. I knew exactly what it was but I needed to hold it to rationalize it and most importantly see the results. I went to remove it from her grasps and she awakened.

"Edward, you're back," she said sleepily and then realized what I was trying to do. She didn't hide it she handed it over and studied my expression. We were both silent for a while. She thought I was trying to control my anger but that wasn't it. I was trying to find a way to tell her that she would not be carrying this baby to term. I've already seen how this scenario plays out. I know what will happen if I let her have her way. I refused to watch her die. I didn't have it in me to learn to love the being growing inside of her just for it to die too. If it happened again then who would save me? I listened to her thoughts as she remembered her own hurts of losing her baby with Sam. I saw how she felt she couldn't take the life of this child. I saw that if I asked that of her it would kill her emotionally. I had to ask myself if I was selfish enough to admit that I'd rather her live and be a shell of herself than to watch her die. I couldn't verbalize it.

"I know you're waiting for a response. I can't give you what you want to hear. I know you want me to love this child but I cannot. I will not watch … I know what it is capable of Leah. You may think that I'm evil and unfeeling." I stopped because I knew that my next words would declare the end of our relationship. It would mark the end of my happiness and Leah's death at the same time. I looked into her beautiful brown eyes, if I could cry; I would be full of tears in this moment. Leah shed the tears for the both of us. We knew each other so well, she knew what I was going to say next, and I knew what her answer would be. She would protect the child at all costs. She would sacrifice her love for me to carry my child.

"I don't think you're unfeeling Edward. We are one so I know that you are kind and loving. I know why you cannot watch me carry this child and you know why I have to try. I just wish I could guarantee you that everything would be okay, but I don't know that." More silence fell upon us. I listened in on Leah's thoughts as she weighed her options. She couldn't go back to the reservation. She was banished a long time ago for bedding their mortal enemy.

"I will leave. I want you to stay here with Carlisle at least he can look out and take care of you until the undeniable happens." I got off the bed and started packing a bag.

"Where are you going?" I shook my head even I knew where I was going I wouldn't tell her. She'd follow me.

"So this is it? I'm so sorry this happened. Edward, I love you … I wish I could agree with you I just can't." Her sobs became uncontrollable. I went over to her and held her in my arms. I took her in, her feel, her scent as if it would be the last time.

"I love you Leah. You are my world, my life. That's why I can't watch you commit suicide." I quickly packed finished packing my things and removed myself from the room before Leah worked her magic and changed my mind. After I left my room and shut the door behind me. I slid down to the floor and allowed myself a tearless sob. My mind took me back to the day in the forest when Leah had saved my life. I just wish that I had the words to do the same.