The Various Emotions of Leah and Edward

Various Emotions Shared Between Leah & Edward

Part One: Bitterness

I had been stained red; my hands, my mouth, and my teeth. I could taste our memories and my loss. She was so stubborn. She wanted this… this was suicide that's what this was. Her lifeless body, that I had tried so desperately to save, lay there limp on the cold operating table. The soft gargles, the attempts at breathing our child fought to take still lingered in my ears. The child she'd been so determined to save. The tiny, young one's life ended, almost as soon as it had started. She wasn't strong enough. I had felt her heartbeat stop.

They had left me alone. Abandoned.

My hands stained by their blood.

Wandering outside, away from the horrific scene I had caused, I wanted to be ripped to shreds, to exist no longer. At some point, I don't know when, I dropped to my knees; frozen by too much loss. Figures and shadows surrounded me, trying to revive me from the haze of sorrow, but I was too far gone.

Day blended into night multiple times and still I sat like a statue on my knees in the dirt, begging the heavens above to show some mercy on my soulless being. For a moment I saw the sun and moon at the same time. Then a shadow covered me. I assumed it was another member of my coven trying to revive me.

But it wasn't.

It was my enemy masking herself in the form of an angel. She wore a white tank top and denim shorts. She kneeled in front of me and pulled something from her pack pocket. She reached out and took one of my hands in hers. She wiped my hands clean, one by one. As she wiped my face she wore a serious grimace. I knew someone must've volunteered her for this task. The monster in me cringed at her out–of-character behavior.

Leah was right to hate our kind.

"Why?" It was the first time I'd spoken in a while. The heat of her breath caused me to realize how thirsty I was.

"Because you… are me." My eyes flashed to hers in confusion. "Wow, that sounded really stupid. What I mean is, I can relate to what you are going through. I have suffered a couple of losses, too." I squeezed my eyes shut. I knew she wasn't comparing her little breakup with Sam to this.

"A break up is far less painful than mourning the dead, Leah." She glared at me as if I were dumb as a doorknob.

"Yeah, I lost Sam, but that's not what I was talking about. The monster in me caused the death of my father. Just the sight of me stopped his heart. I carry that with me every day. Not only that; there's something that nobody knows about the life this monster, my monster took from me. I was almost five months pregnant when I phased for the first time, when I phased back I was no longer pregnant. I reached between my thighs and I was left with stained hands, just like yours. My monster thought me unworthy of being a mother, the one thing that I wanted more than anything. She looked down at her stomach and held her now empty womb. "My monster left me barren and I hate it!" Her hands began to shake. "I hate it SO MUCH!"

I gazed into her watery, enraged eyes and realized her statement made perfect sense. I felt for her because I am her. "You are me," I repeated. I smirked at the revelation, the action in itself felt foreign.

"I actually may be worse," she chucked darkly as she unbuttoned my blood stained shirt and revealed my white under shirt, now our outfits matched.

"I doubt it."

"You'd be wrong," she mumbled and then rose to her feet. "Isn't it worse that to this day Sam doesn't know about our baby?" I frowned and shook my head in disbelief.

"What about the whole wolf mind-link thing?" I asked and she avoided my gaze with her eyes.

"There are ways to avoid thinking of things, Edward. Actually, you are the first person I've told." She shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.