Peppermint

Chapter 26 - Shooting Shark

***ALEX***

The first thing I realize when Mom and I get back home is that I'm hungry as hell. Shit, when was the last time I ate? If I've been such a zombie these last few days, probably on Saturday. I probably haven't had any coffee in that amount of time either, though if it's been a few days, shouldn't I be out of withdrawal by now and feeling a lot less zombie-like?

Of course, going without coffee this long doesn't explain why I'm feeling so fuzzy-headed. No, I'm thinking it's more of my brain trying to keep myself from being too overwhelmed. The only stimulus I need or want right now is me feeding my face, which I'm doing with barbeque chips straight from the bag. And, for a moment, poking my stomach to see if my lovingly crafted bod has survived my recent stupor. Somehow, it's not all gone, but these chips are threatening to destroy the remains of my abs.

Whatever. I'll work out when I'm done having to save the world again. And besides, said having to save the world might give me the exercise I need to make up for the last few days.

Maybe the Hungarians are on to something with their love of paprika. The primary flavoring agent in those chips (along with avocado oil), it's proving a better stimulant than any coffee right now. Nearly two full minutes of eating leaves me a hell of a lot more alert than I was the whole time after Mom woke me up. It's not as good a stimulant as sharing a dream with Fionna again, not even close, but I'll take it for now.

Alertness lets me notice a discrepancy I hadn't before. "Mom, when did I get a new phone?"

She starts, then takes the bag of chips from me and eats a handful herself. "It was supposed to be your Christmas gift, but since your old one got broken, I gave it to you early." She chews another handful, then adds, with her mouth full, "Thanks for not noticing."

I check the screen. The new phone looks almost identical to my old one, other than having no headphone jack. Shit. That's part of why I was hoping not to upgrade. But oh well. A headphone jack isn't something I need so much now.

"Does it at least come with antivirus software built in?" I ask.

"I wish, but the company would probably charge fifty percent more for that." Mom tilts her head and eyeballs me. "Don't want people catching the shit you do with Kelly, am I right?"

If I could see my face next to the chip bag, I'd probably see two objects the exact same shade of red. "How'd you know...?"

"Josh let it slip." Normally, Mom would revel a bit in my embarrassment, but not now. Instead, she takes my hand, which makes me giggle involuntarily because both our hands are lightly dusted in BBQ chip flavoring. "Are you sure he's really supposed to be Jesus and not just some distant cousin? He looked just like you when you blurt out something you don't wanna say."

"He's not related to us. He's not an angel." I take my hand back. "And besides, aren't you supposed to take me to get exorcised for having demon sex?"

"After Christmas, I promise." Mom winks, but her smile looks forced. Still, I'm sure she's just kidding. Religious she may be, but she's the last parent to interfere with her kid's healthy sex life. She's cool like that, and always has been.

I look at my phone again. New to me it may be, but Mom's already moved all my settings and apps from my old phone to this one. Everything's in its right place, with one exception. "Where's my Snapchat?"

Mom rests her chin in her hands. "I thought you could do with less temptation to be inappropriate on my Wi-Fi."

Okay, so maybe she's a little less cool than I thought. But yeah, I could do with this distraction out of the way as well. So I resolve not to restore Snapchat to my phone until my work with Josh and Firdaus and Ahmad and everyone is done.