Peppermint

Chapter 34 - Stubborn Forces

***ALEX***

I wish I could stop fighting.

I wish this were a moment when I could.

But in my life, convenience in the heat of battle has a way of failing to exist, and today's fight at Scoville headquarters is no exception.

Never mind that Jesus Himself has literally just died in my arms. How can someone just move on from that? No, don't ask me to go to Elliot for the answer.

Am I wrong, or is Josh glowing as I hold him? His brown skin turns a bright golden shade. For a moment, my heart stops - is he coming back? Please, please, please let him be-

No.

The glow fades away, and Josh remains still and lifeless.

"Alex? Hey, Alex, get up-WHOAHOLYSHITWHATTHEFUCK?"

I jump to my feet and see Gideon coming through the door, only to stop when he sees me. Gasping, one hand on his chest, he points at me with the other. "Fuck," he whispers. "Alex, what happened to you?"

"What are you talking..." My voice trails off as I reach out towards him and see my hand. It's blue as a berry.

He takes a picture of me, then turns his phone around so I can see it. "What?" I yelp. My entire face is blue like a Heavenly sunset. Lighter than my hand, but not a shade a person's skin should have. And worse, it looks like it's taken on a crystalline texture. Plus, my hair has changed too. It's white and thin, and longer than I remember. Then I see that same hair fluttering in front of my face. Swaying side to side like I'm swimming, except I'm on dry land, so it just looks surreal and computer-generated.

Gideon can't say anything but more F-bombs. In Spanish too. I stay rooted to the spot until he vents his shock, then he finally says something coherent, though even more terrifying. "This picture's not accurate anymore. You lightened up even more already. You're, like, all white now."

"How the hell...?" My whole body shakes. "I...is it because I tried to bring him back to life?"

"You what now?"

"I don't know!" I look from Gideon to Josh, hoping to see him glowing again, if not actually coming back to life. "I was...I was just...I thought if I-"

"What, prayed him back? How much good has that ever done for you?" He flinches as I take a step his way. "No, stop! Don't touch me!"

"I'm not gonna-"

"I'm sorry, but how can you still pray for anything? Knowing who's supposed to be hearing them?" He turns his head and rolls his eyes, directing a dirty look at the ceiling. "I know, I know, I'm a bloody atheist, but still. Your God can suck my ass and not complain when I inevitably shit in his mouth."

"I'm not arguing that."

"But just listen to me!" He might not want me to touch him, but he's getting pretty close to me now. Like he wants to reach up and slap some sense into me. "You can't just stop fighting, Alex! We're all fighting now! Every moment!"

"Some of us have fucking limits!"

"Don't go there! You never say that about yourself! Why start now?"

Rather than answer, I turn around and race down the hall, flying as fast as I can and ignoring the sound of Gideon trying to call me back. No doubt he'll soon be joined by other friends of ours, but what's most important to me now is actually listening to Gideon for a bit and not stopping fighting.

What would Josh have me do? My guess is he'd have me stop and take stock of my own mental health.

But I love him and I can't bear to let him go unavenged.