Finally Getting Somewhere (Solangelo) - COMPLETE

34 》not okay >>will <<

never
has he ever
looked at the sun
and called it ugly.
but when he stares at it now,
and how it separates his angel,
and how it makes him want to be happy anyway,
and how it chains itself up high
so that will can't punch its
bloody yellow teeth out.
it angers will, more than
his sisters make him cry.
how were they supposed to get it?
they don't know what love is,
they don't know what family is,
they don't know what life is,
so what are they good for in his?
if they just
rip him away
from all he holds dear
and act oblivious about it.

It pains him.
he seethes in the wrath
of invisibility and non-
existence, because that's
how he is to them.
invisible, and,
non-existent.
therefore,
not important.
therefore,
not worth a penny,
therefore,
not human.
therefore,
he can't love his beautiful dream boy.
and he blames himself for letting them two get close,
just so that
what happens always could happen again and
it ends up hurting them both.
he should have been smart, but was
blinded by love, and was
unknowingly hanging above a cliff,
by a stand that didn't exist,
and his rope was the string that
tied the two together.

it snapped.

and now will is all alone,
pretending that it's okay,
better than okay,
to stare at a fake projection of his boyfriend through a screen,
to whisper "I love you" without knowing he would hear through an electronic,
to pretend to hold him by
being forced to love his phone
because a tiny picture of nico
has to be enough but isn't.
it's lifeless, at times, when they are
skyping while sleeping and nico
just looks like
the picture will placed beside his bed
long ago from sunny summer days that
were actually autumn.

it's not okay.

and because fear consumes,
and because he is a coward,
and he knows it,

it never will be.