TINTED ▷ Sam Winchester [1]

23 | TO THE RESCUE

Avoiding Sam Winchester is a difficult thing for me to do, given that I literally sleep down the hall from him.

This definitely was not the best idea, but I figure it's better than telling him the truth. In all honesty, I think it would freak him out. We have only known each other a few months, and we don't really know too much about one another yet. Sure, I like having conversations with him and I like hunting with him, but it's way too early for me to be feeling this way. So I'll do what I know how to do. Bury the feelings until they disappear completely.

However, that is very difficult given that we live under the same roof as we see each other all the time, and every time I'm around him, I'm reminded of being in the soul eater's nest, seeing him dead on the floor.

He's catching on, too. Sometimes I take how smart Sam is for granted. I hope he hasn't figured out that I saw him in the nest. I think if he knew, he would probably confront me about it. Therefore, I don't think he knows anything yet.

After I woke up from being inside the nest, I was quiet for the most part, which Sam noticed right away. He didn't question it, only told me the same thing that he said before, that whatever I saw wasn't real, and my brother is just fine. I only nodded in response, knowing that Mitch is fine. But he's got nothing to do with this.

•••

I can't sleep. This is totally normal, but now it's for different reasons. Not like the nightmares and monsters and blood and death that haunt me every night. I'm not even thinking about that now. Now I've got something even more terrifying to think about.

My own feelings.

Sighing in frustration, I toss the covers off of me and get out of bed. It is one of those rare nights I have chosen to try and sleep in my own room in the Bunker instead of in the back seat of the impala. I guess I've decided to give my bed a chance and stop sleeping in Dean's car. Or maybe I just want to be closer to Sam.

This thought aggravates me more than I can explain. My room is too hot, and my head is a mess. I need to leave and get some fresh air.

I tie my black robe around me to hide my immodest sleeping clothes from the boys, just in case I run into one of them. I'm hoping not to, though.

Stepping out of my room, I stop in the hallway and glance towards Sam's door. For a moment, I'm considering telling him.

It would make things easier, wouldn't it? Just admitting that I saw him in there, instead of my brother? I need to clear the air, especially because this has to do with him.

Before I know it, my sock-clad feet are silently taking me to Sam's door. I stop in front of it and raise my fist, about to knock on his door. I can't just barge in, that would be rude.

But I don't. I only stand there a moment. It's not long, but in that moment, every single thing that could go wrong with this goes through my mind. I realize with panic that what I'm most afraid of is Sam saying he doesn't feel the same.