Masked Enemies

Chapter 20

Finnick

I am left alone on the balcony when Katniss walks back inside. I should never have done that. I'm sure it hurt her feelings.

But still, I had loved Annie, and I didn't think it would be honoring her memory if I behaved like the creature the Capitol had tried to make me. I wasn't ready for Katniss. I wanted to, but I wasn't ready.

The thought of going back home scared me. I didn't want to see the place where I had sat with Annie and talked, where I'd first met her after the reaping, at the Justice Building. The beach that we had laughed at, where we had taken long strolls in the morning. I wasn't ready to see that again, but at the same time, I was.

The train pulls into the station, and my heart sinks. I see the crowd cheering for me, for they only recognize Finnick Odair, the rebel that helped defeat the Capitol. My heart starts to rise, but then I remember that these were not the people I was worried about. It was my friends, and family, and Annie's family.

It was my fault she was dead. The guilt starts to build up in me again, the guilt I had thought I had gotten rid of what seemed like so long ago. The past few days had been horrible, and filled with death and destruction.

I wave to the crowd, trying to put on my best face. The face they were so used to seeing. Finally I cannot take it anymore, and I walk inside, shutting the compartment door behind me. I go into the bathroom and lock the door, and bend over the sink. This was the Finnick Odair I was feeling like right now. I was not feeling brave. I was not feeling handsome or hot or whatever. I felt like the mice that I had seen in the basement, or the mutts, who brought much death and destruction.

I tilt my head up and look at my face in the mirror. It is sunken and hollow, battered and bruised, and broken. Not anywhere close to handsome. I turn the tap on and plug the drain, watching the water pour out of the faucet and into the basin, which is now filling up with water. Unplugging the drain, I splash my face with water. Then I leave the room, my face still wet.

Katniss has grabbed the torn backpack she used during the fight, and is now waving through the crowd through the open door. I want to grab her, to secure her, to make sure she doesn't fall out, to make sure she stays with me, but I restrain myself, because the crowd would hate this. I would be marked as a traitor, not just to the rebellion, but to love itself.

I grab my own pack and jump off the train, avoiding the steps, trying to be more like the Finnick the people knew me as. Reaching my hand out so Katniss can take it and get off the train, I use my free hand to wave to the crowd, who are now spread out and smaller. People had expected a show back.

Katniss doesn't take my hand and jumps off the train look I do. I can hear the crowd screaming my name, but I ignore it. Ducking my head, I run out of the station, Katniss on my heels. Escaping the station, and the crowd.

"Where are we going?" Katniss asks as we escape the mob. I can still hear them, but they have given up on running.

"Home." I tell her. "Victor's Village. It's just in the distance." I point to the horizon, where houses poke out of the ground. My house wasn't one of them. It was closer to the coast, more secluded, because that was more comfortable for me.

I push Katniss in front of me, and we both walk to the Victor's Village. I would take a cab, but I needed the fresh air. I hadn't felt peace like this since the quieter parts of the Quell.

So we hike through the meadows, my feet brushing the soft grasses that grow in the meadows near my home. The sun shines down on our backs, because it has become morning now. The sun is rising behind us, so the path in front of us is clearly lit. The moon is now a faint glow on the opposite side of the horizon, and the sky is fading from dark blue to a rosy pink, like the flowers that used to grow by Annie's house.