Wrecking Ball - Harry Styles

Chapter 50

HARRY

I slowly opened Poppy's room door. She had her back to me as she looked out the small window in the room. I slowly shut the door and thats when she turned round and looked at me. I gave her a small smile and she returned it.

"How have you been?" I asked her and she sighed.

"I get that question everyday and I've answered it the same every time, I'm fine" She said.

"We tried to stop them from putting you in here you know." I said hoping she would know.

"Yea I know, Louis and Penelope said." She answered and I sighed. "How have you been?" She asked and I had to lie to her. I couldn't say I've been shit because she's been more shit than me.

"I've been good thank you" I replied and she looked at me.

"Don't lie to me" I looked at her confused. "Louis and Penelope told me you've been shit why lie?"

"Because I deserve to feel like shit not you. You don't deserve any of this but because of me its like this" She was quiet to I carried on talking. "I feel shit okay. I know you probably feel like even worse than me because of everything and I wish I could take that all away from you but I can't and I hate it. I didn't want any of this to happen to you Poppy."

"Yea well it did happen and you can say what ever you want I still want to go." She stated looked right past me.

"Poppy, please don't say you want to go or you want to die or kill yourself because that kills me. When I found you on your bathroom floor in a puddle of your own blood, I died. I thought I was going to lose you and I didn't want to. I know I probably have but at least you would be here and I wouldn't have lost you forever. Please just don't leave me forever I don't think I'll survive myself."

POPPY

"Poppy, please don't say you want to go or you want to die or kill yourself because that kills me. When I found you on your bathroom floor in a puddle of your own blood, I died. I thought I was going to lose you and I didn't want to. I know I probably have but at least you would be here and I wouldn't have lost you forever. Please just don't leave me forever I don't think I'll survive myself."

'I don't think I'll survive myself.'

That sentence kept playing over and over in my head. He has to survive.

"Harry..." I said making him look at me and not the floor. "...You have to survive and what I'm about to say I'm not being selfish, just keep that in mind. Harry I'm not going to survive here. You know how much I hate therapy and being watch 24/7-"

"I tried to tell your parents that but they didn't listen, we can get you out of her Poppy. You can come with me, Penelope and the boys. We can go somewhere else. Go away from here. Start again."

"Harry just let me finished" He nodded and I carried on. "As much as I would love to do that I can't. Harry, I can't just run away. We can't just run away. We don't have money or anywhere to go. Anyway as I was saying. I hate therapy and being watch, I won't survive here and most of all I won't survive out of here. I'm a ticking bomb, Harry. You said so yourself. Even if I get out of here now or 6 months time I will still be a ticking bomb. I will soon explode again. I will keep exploding until I die from the explosion. I don't want to go through this anymore. I've tried this before and it didn't work and yes then I did think maybe this is god giving me another chance to start over but it just ended the same. Me trying to kill myself but this time instead of being with my gran and starting new, I'm here. Alone. Harry this isn't another sign from god saying I have another chance. I don't feel like that this time. I feel alone and lost. I don't belong in this world. I don't belong here. It's my time harry. It's my time to go. It's my time to die." I finished.

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