HijiGin - Bittersweet

Chapter 24

  "This is heaven. Literal heaven." Gintoki moans as he shoves scoops of his parfait into his greedy mouth. Hijikata notices his wallet emptying at an alarming rate. That parfait was the sixth after all...

  "Yorozuya, aren't you overdoing it?" The cigarette faces Hijikata's wrath as it's ground by his teeth. It didn't help that Hijikata was still fixated on that slip of paper he had found on Gintoki's person, nor the one that was left for him on his desk. 

  "Nope! I don't need anything as long as I have my sugar." Hijikata puffs out smoke, feeling amused and relieved that Gintoki hadn't shown signs of being unsettled. It means that things were still normal...for now, at least.

  "Do you want to talk about...that?" Gintoki spares Hijikata no more than a second of attention and sighs. This left the latter tense, knowing that it would be extremely difficult to get someone like Gintoki to open up to him, especially about something that could affect his pride.

  "How about we strike a deal, Mr Officer? You satisfy me today and I shall grant you that wish." Gintoki offers a wink, striking a money gesture with his hand. Hijikata snorts out loud before realising what he had done, blushing and ignoring Gintoki's gawking face.

  "As long as you keep your end of the bargain, my wallet would be happy to serve you today." He does a mock salute and the atmosphere is bubbly and warm, forgotten was the tension of danger. 

---

Gintoki's POV 

  With my stomach thoroughly satisfied, having digested 13 parfaits. I felt slightly guilty though, seeing Hijikata pull out bills that he had undoubtedly worked hard for. I shook my head and reasoned with myself that he gave his word and had fun too.

  I smiled as we wandered the streets with a stick of dango in my hands, the sweet beads disappearing one after another. Noticing that I had only one left, I wondered if I should give HIjikata one since he technically did buy it for me.

  "Hey, gimme one." I jumped a little, not expecting to hear his voice so close to my ear. I swivelled my head around to face him, albeit a bit too fast and noticed the smirk decorating his lips. This bastard...

  "No." I declined stubbornly, still a bit red. I blame my pale skin for the obvious colouration god damn it. 

  "Then I'll just get it myself." Without even asking for my permission, Hijikata took ahold of my wrist which held the dango stick and directed it to his mouth. I tried to wrestle it away but somehow him being so close saps my energy away.

  I pouted as he chewed his prize with satisfaction, cursing him under my breath. He gave me a stare that I couldn't read into, but it was only for a brief moment as he had turned away after a blink. 

  What do you want from him? 

  I don't know.

  You don't know, yet you steal his company?

  I don't know what you're talking about.

  You desire him, but he will never be yours.

  Shut up.

  He will never love you if he finds out about your past.

  Shut up!

  You know it, too. The two of you are a pair that cannot belong together. 

  SHUT UP!!!

  "...Gintoki? Are you okay?" I open my eyes as I hear Hijikata calling out my name with worry lacing the words heavily. I hadn't even realised that I'd closed my eyes at all, or the fact that I was crouching down on the ground, blocking my ears tightly.

  "Yeah, I-I'm...fine." My lie wasn't convincing at all, even Hijikata could tell by his frown and disappointment. 

  "Tell yourself that lie, because Gintoki, I don't know about you but I don't want to see you suffer anymore. I love you but I don't know what to do anymore...you're driving me insane." He chokes the words out, letting out long, frustrated breaths. 

  I look at him - his broken stance - there's just so much sadness, and I'm the cause of it. I close my eyes as a tear slips down my face. I want to tell him, I desperately do. But why can't I do even that right now?

  "I'm sorry." I offer him, biting my lip so hard that I taste that familiar metallic taste in my mouth. I felt his body tremble, fear preventing me from looking at his face that was no doubt angry, sad, betrayed. 

  After some silence, my heart dropped. Was he finally fed up with me?  The voice in my head remains silent, but I know it's just enjoying this moment. Warm arms suddenly envelop me, surprising my eyes open.

  No words were exchanged, and I slowly wrapped my arms around his back. My tears begin to fall down faster now, and I bury my face into his shoulders as I let out silent sobs. Hijikata keeps his silence as he rubs my back soothingly.

  Under his gentle touches, I let my dam break, no longer caring that we were in a public place where there wasn't a shred of privacy. It didn't matter if a hundred people stopped to stare at me as long as I can remain engulfed in Hijikata's security. 

  The voices disappeared into nothingness as time passed, as did my breakdown. I only now realise how awkward Hijikata's position was and gave him a small squeeze to let him know that I was finished. I regretfully let go of his warmth as he stood and helped me up. 

  "You better now?" Hijikata kept his voice to a low rumble, barely louder than a whisper. I gave him a nod, too exhausted to answer back verbally. 

  If it's for your happiness, I would welcome even death.

  We made our way back to my place and spent a passionate night together. The same night I laid in bed pondering about the amazing man I had by my side. I couldn't be more grateful for what he had done, sticking by me like a tenacious piece of gum. 

  That is also why I have made my decision.

  I give one final peck to Hijikata's soft lips, knowing that I wouldn't be able to taste them anymore. I carefully pried his fingers from me as I made my escape, leaving behind only a slip of paper by the bedside table for him to remember me.

  "Goodbye, Hijikata."