Lady Eilean

Chapter 33

There was yet another letter. It crinkled in my pocket as I wiped my tear-damp hands down my skirt, spoiling the silk. Pulling it free, I stared at the envelope, studied the way someone addressed it to "the Caretaker of Ellesmure at Stormway". Not to me. It seemed I did not exist to its scribe.

Steeling myself for a reconfirmation of Calum's news of my now decimated family, I tore it open. I could have laughed at its contents had they not thrown me into a state of utter disbelief.

Nothing. It had all been for nothing.

Sometime later, a knock sounded at my door. When I didn't answer, I heard it open. A telltale squeak gave away the intruder's entry. It could have been a ghost for all I cared. My attention was claimed by the fire. The flames danced, unaware that the world had changed. Shimmering coals illuminated and plunged into darkness with the changes in airflow. Everything and nothing ran through my mind. I was shattered.

"This is not a happy birthday girl," Alex said. His voice came as if underwater. Muffled and heavy.

Or maybe I was underwater, buried in a deep, murky pond.

His voice came again, from far away. "Eilean?"

"Eilean, are you alright?" He sounded closer this time. Perhaps one of us was surfacing, fighting to find the light.

The weight of his hand fell on my shoulder. The heat from his palm seeping into my skin. It was enough to drag me from my stupor. I turned sluggishly and blinked at him with bleary eyes.

"Are you well?" Alex asked, his face contorted in the downturn of concern. His other hand pressed against my forehead. "You feel clammy."

"I..." I didn't know what I was.

Frowning, Alex pulled over a stool and sat on it, crouching in front of me. "Eilean, are you sick? Should I call the nurse?"

Shaking my head, I blinked a few times, trying to make my raw eyes feel more comfortable. The room came into focus and I rubbed my cheeks, wiping away the remnants of dried tears. When I opened my mouth to speak, nothing came out. I wrapped a hand around my throat, piqued by its betrayal.

Alex furrowed his brows. "Calum said you were upset. He sent me to check in on you." Confusion rippled across his tone. "What happened? You were as jolly as a jester less than an hour ago and now... I don't know what this is but you're scaring me, Eilean."

An hour? Had that been all the time that had passed? I struggled against my silent tongue, torn. Alex deserved an answer, but speaking the news aloud meant making it real. I still held the letters in my hand, the paper crumpled as I gripped my fist tighter in my struggle to speak. Everything seemed to rush in at once; the fire was too hot, Alex too close, the crickets outside too loud, the scent of the thousands of dying roses too cloying. I wanted to scream and rage and pull at my hair and shred my clothes until they were nothing but scraps. I wanted blood and fury and revenge, but also sleep and silence and nothingness.

"They're gone." My announcement was nothing more than a broken sigh. A statement devoid of feeling.

"Who?" Alex said, leaning forward, his hands cupped over my knees.

I met his gaze then, my chin trembling. It had been foolish to think I had cried myself out. New tears obscured my vision. Alex nodded nothing but patience on his face.

"All of them." I passed Alex the letters. The one from Calum's messengers and the other delivered at dinner. The lines of the words forever branded across my vision.

Surrender signed. War over. Islander men returning late Summer at the earliest. No land or territory gained.

"It's over," I said, haunted. Dazed. Everything felt weightless and drifting. Light and time moved in strange ways. The impact of the news and its implications disoriented me. Had I just been happy and content a moment ago? Now another upheaval, another plunge into chaos.