A Year of Her Life

Chapter 22

That night, I had the dream again.  This time, it was different.

The large dark blue car pulled onto the tracks slowly.  I could see the train coming, but she couldn’t.  She couldn’t see it because the track rounded a sharp corner.  I seemed to be hovering over the whole scene.  The track stretched through familiar trees and then became lined with small houses on one side and more trees on the other.  I recognized the houses and the kids playing outside.

 I had experienced the dream so many times that I could almost hear the names as the mothers were calling the kids inside as if they knew what was about to happen.  I was wearing the dress and no shoes just as all the other times.  I could feel the tension in my body as I held every muscle tight.  I concentrated my vision on the train.  The train was huge with wheels carrying it quickly down the track. 

I was now on the speeding train.  I was sitting on the front of the engine.  I was scared this time and holding on for my life.  I could feel the wind rushing over my face and pulling it tight.  It reminded me of riding in the car with my sister and her friends as they were smoking with the windows down.  My breath escaped in small puffs because of the force of the wind.  I could feel that my hair was being blown so hard that I thought my hair may come out by its very roots.

 The train, with me front and center, rounded the corner.  Now, I could see the car again.  The car had just pulled onto the track.  I was watching myself get closer and closer to the car, and the girl.  I started to panic now.  I was screaming, “GET OFF THE TRACK, MOVE, GET OFF THE TRACK.”  My voice was drowned out by the huffing of the train and then carried far away by the wind rushing by. 

Didn’t she see the huge train?  The whistle blew.  It was loud and my body vibrated with the noise.  The tracks vibrated even more with the sound of the whistle that seemed to take over the air.  I felt better because surly the girl could hear the whistle that was still vibrating through me.  Realizing my eyes were now closed because of the whistle, I slowly opened them. 

My vision seemed to be vibrating from the sound as my eyes opened.  I could feel my eyes become still.  I focused on what was in front of me.  The car was still there.  The train was not slowing and the car was not moving.  Why wouldn’t this girl just move her car? 

I was right on top of her now.  I felt as if I were carrying the train forward.  The more I focused on the blue car and the girl, the faster the train approached her. 

The girl looked up.  Finally! 

I could see her face.  This time, it was not the face of an angel.  Her hair was not golden, her eyes not blue.  It was the beautiful, sweet face of my precious sister.  I could see her face clearly.   I could see her face change to one filled with fear as she turned her head towards me. 

I had never seen fear in my sister’s face before.  She did not fear the abuse of our father.  Rather, she took the abuse in my place with rage in her eyes, not fear.  I could see her beautiful eyes fill with the image of the train.  The train I was on.

 I didn’t want to be on this train.  I wanted to push it back away from my sister.  I wanted to be the one to protect her. 

She turned her attention to her car.  She grabbed the steering wheel with great force and punched the gas.  Nothing happened?  Nothing happened!  Nothing happened.  She turned her head back in my direction, fear still distorting her face.  I wanted to grab her out of her car.  I wanted her to be safe.

 I stood up on the front of the train and tried with all my might to push it back.  Away from my sister.  It was no use.  I looked back at the car.  I saw her close her eyes, the vision of the train disappearing with the closing of her eye lids.  The action was so sad because it was final.