The Boy In My Head

13

 "I only want to help," Parker says. I figure I have a few options. If Parker is a real person and somehow managed to tap into my program, then I should be able to find some way to block him out. But if he's just a figment of my imagination? What if I created him to deal with things like this? Or maybe he's part of the program. That makes sense. What if Parker is some sort of computer-generated emotional therapist or something? "I, uh, just had a bad day," I try, wondering how much therapy I could get from the program, if that is, in fact, how it works. "I went to this party," I explain, "and this girl humiliated me." "I told you not to go," Parker says. For a moment, I think about J.P. since he's the only one who told me not to go, but then I remember Parker said something about me not going, either. I think that's because deep down I knew something bad was going to happen if I ran into Aline. And how could I not run into her in her own house? The program must have picked up on my worry and was trying to save me the trouble. Suddenly, I find myself telling Parker all about the incident. I don't know where this newfound confidence comes from, but I think part of it is because I'm pretty sure he's not an actual person and that he's just part of the program. No way would I open up to someone like this in real life. "I'm pretty sure I didn't hear him right," I continue, explaining to Parker about what I thought I heard Will say as I rode away on my bike. "I mean, a guy like that wouldn't call me pretty." "Why not?" Parker says in my head. "It's the truth." I scoff. "You're programed to say that to make me feel better." "Well, did it work?" I run my hand through the fading bubbles in my bath water and let a small smile form across my face. "Maybe a little," I admit. "Then I've done my job." "Thank you for listening," I say with sincerity. "No problem. You can talk to me about anything." I know our conversation is over, but I still think about Parker as I get out of the bath and dry myself off. If he really is a computer program, which makes the most sense, then I really can talk to him about anything. But even if talking makes me feel better, it's not like he's real. Even so, he seems to be the first person—thing?—in a long time that I can actually talk to.

A wave of nausea hits me as I dry my hair, and I grip onto the edge of the sink for support. I can feel a headache coming on, probably from stress. I get dressed and pop a few painkillers before crawling into bed much too early. I lay in bed for a while replaying the events from earlier that day. And then something hits me. Before I went to the party, Parker said something about leaving my hair down. And then at the party, Will said he liked my hair down. What else did Will say? He said I was beautiful. So did Parker. And their voices . . . They are similar. Is it possible that Parker and Will are the same person? Will does have the upgrade. What if there is some psychic connection between us and our upgrades? What if they're connected somehow so that we can communicate in a different way than normal? I sit up straight in my bed. I want to call out to Parker and learn more about him, but I lose my nerve when I consider that he might actually be Will. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Except, why would Will Dylan want to be inside my head and make me feel better? I just want you to know that we're not all like that. That's what Will said. Is it possible that he's trying to prove something with this? Maybe he feels like helping me will make him feel less like Aline and give him more purpose or something. But that can't be right. Why me? Besides, I don't need his help. It's not like I'm broken or anything. My headache only grows stronger as I consider these possibilities, so I try to put it all out of my mind. It doesn't work well but, after a while, I'm fast asleep.