The Boy In My Head

15

I wake on Tuesday feeling like I know less about Parker's identity than I did the night before. This only frustrates me and makes the ache in my head pulse more intensely. I want to know. I have to know. Maybe I already do... Will , I decide. It has to be him. I mean, it makes the most sense. Verde hasn't even come up with the idea for a computer-generated therapist, so that can't be it. Will has the implant like me, and it's still in the testing stage. What if there's a glitch that connects us? Then there's always the possibility that I'm crazy and making

Parker up, but that doesn't explain why some things Parker said matched up with some things Will said, like calling me pretty. I let out a soft laugh at that thought as I get ready for school. If Will thought I was pretty, he had to be the only one. It's just not possible that two guys would say the same thing to me in the same day. But I still have to know for sure. I could confront Will at school. Or maybe it's best to talk with Parker about his identity while I'm in private. Later that day, I sit silently at my lunch table and still haven't decided how to confirm my suspicions. I avoid all gazes and poke at my food. Across the table, I can see J.P. in my peripheral vision doing that thing he does where he opens his mouth like he's going to speak and then closes it again. I start to get annoyed. He must have opened his mouth six times already without saying anything. Normally I don't mind, but my headache makes every little thing seem more annoying. "What?" I snap more aggressive than I mean to. J.P. looks taken aback and blinks a few times. He rests his hand on the side of his neck as he speaks. "I—I'm just kind of worried about you, I guess. You don't look good."

Of course I don't. My head is pounding, and I'm pretty sure I've started sweating. Why do I have to be so stressed out? "I'm fine," I tell him. "Are you sure? Because you look pretty pale." "Yes, J.P. I'm fine. It's just a headache." I grit my teeth. It's nice he cares, but I don't understand why he does. When he doesn't say anything else, I stand to dump my tray. My headache is only getting worse, and I feel like I need a moment outside the noisy lunch room. I recycle my tray and am headed for the cafeteria exit past Aline's table when my feet catch on something and I'm sent flying. I stick my hands out to catch myself, and they make a loud smack on the hard floor as I tumble down. Laughter erupts from around me. I look toward my feet to see what I tripped on. One of the guys at Aline's table grins down at me mischievously, and I instantly know he did it on purpose. People stand to get a good look at me on the ground, and their eyes all glare at me judgmentally. I feel like disappearing. Just as I'm about to push myself up and run off, a figure approaches and stands above me. I lift my head slowly, and Aline stares back at me, her hands on her hips.

"Is your implant throwing off your balance?" Aline asks in the fakest voice I've ever heard. Great , I think. Go right after my implant, why don't you? All I want to do is run from the lunch room. Everybody's eyes are on Aline and me. I'm not sure if that means I should get out of here as soon as possible like I feel like doing or actually stand up to her. I decide to go with the former decision; it will only be easier. But as I pull myself up and get ready to run, Aline starts talking again. "Don't forget to tell your daddy about this. I'm sure he can build in a coordination function just for you for your next upgrade." People snicker from the table next to me. I do my best to let it go, but the headache pounding on the sides of my skull makes me bold. Aline just pulled the last straw. "I'll be sure to tell him about it," I say, and I pause just long enough that a smirk forms across Aline's face. "Then he can build in an anti-bitch function for you." Everyone in the lunchroom inhales a simultaneous breath. A few people let out noises that confirm I just crossed some sort of line, but I hardly notice. I can't believe I said that. Aline opens her mouth to say something back, but I'm already turning away. I push through the cafeteria doors and head toward the bathrooms. Right now, the stress headache that has been plaguing me for days is too intense to make anything else matter. I want to revel in my little bout of courage and success, but I lean up against a wall instead and take a deep breath. "Rachel," I hear a voice behind me. For a second, I think it's Parker, but when I turn, I find it was Will who spoke my name. It has to be him , I think. It only makes sense . "Parker," I say in a near whisper. What I really mean to do is ask him if he is Parker, but confronting Aline made me lose all my nerve. "Look," Will says, "it was wrong of Aline to pick on you like that. To be honest, it was really cool what you did back there. She needs someone to tell her off every once in a while." I narrow my eyes a bit. I can't figure him out. So what if he is Parker? What would he want with me? "Why are you doing this?" I ask. My voice is still quiet as if to reflect my low confidence. "Why do you care about me?" I raise my eyes sheepishly to meet his gaze.

Will looks confused for a second. "I want you to know that we're not all as insensitive as Aline." Will takes a step toward me. "I'll admit it. I didn't care much until I got the upgrade this time around. I guess since we both have it, I feel a sort of connection with you, you know?" I do , I think. He has to be talking about how our implants are linked, only his words bring up another question. If he knew about the connection, why did he give me a different name? Why didn't he just tell me he was Will to begin with and we could have sorted out the connection earlier? I lean against the wall for support as the pounding in my head intensifies. "I don't think it's fair that people treat you the way they do," Will says. "I guess as a fellow beta tester, I feel this need to let them see that, and maybe let you see that people are willing to hang out with you if you'd let them." "Why didn't you just tell me your real name to begin with?" I blurt. Seriously, I still can't figure him out. He looks momentarily confused, but the next moment, I don't have the energy to focus on his answer.