The Boy In My Head

21

 "That I'll open up to everyone. You're not allowed to tell me when I can and can't go to a party." He laughs as a huge grin forms across his face. "Agreed." I sit up in my bed and reach out to him. I pull him into a tight hug. It's awkward hugging J.P., but if I had to hug anybody, I'd want it to be a friend like him. "Oh," he says, pulling away. "I got you something." He turns toward the other end of the room and comes back with a plastic bag. There's something brown inside, but I can't tell what it is. He hands it to me, and all I can do is stare. "Is this a—" "Peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" His hand runs along his neck again, but then he abruptly stops when he realizes what he's doing. "Yeah, it is."

When I come back to school, all eyes are on me again. This time, I know exactly why. I wear my dark hair up in a high ponytail, and it shows off the nape of my neck perfectly. This time I'm not different because I have a new implant. This time, it's because I don't have one at all. I'll get it put back in someday, but for now, things seem simpler and easier without it, and I'm not afraid to show that off proudly. Will catches up with me on my way to the cafeteria that day. "Rachel," he calls. I turn to meet his gaze. He hasn't met up with his group of friends yet, so he's all alone.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. That thing at the fountain was freaky. Sorry I couldn't stick around at the hospital, but I wasn't sure when you'd wake up, and then they told me I couldn't be there when they removed your implant." "It's okay," I assure him. "Why were you with me at the fountain anyway?" "Well, we never finished talking when you got sick that day. I just wasn't sure if you were alright. I saw you there and figured I should check. I guess you weren't okay, but it looks like you are now." I smile back at him. It's amazing how much kindness he has shown me in the last few weeks. Whether he dated Aline or not, he was right. Not all popular people are jerks. "I am a lot better. Thanks." "That's great to hear. I'll see you around," he says, like it's an invitation to hang out with him. He starts to walk away, but then turns back. "Oh, and if Aline asks like a jerk again, just let me know and I'll talk to her." "It's okay," I start to say. "I really mean it," he interrupts. I hope if something does happen that I'll be able to handle it myself , I think. My moment to test this presents itself as I walk into the cafeteria. I should have known that showing my confidence would hit a chord with Aline. As I'm getting into the lunch line, a pain tugs at my skull. I whirl around to face my attacker. My hair falls down around my shoulders, and Aline tightly grips my elastic in her palm. I can't help but think of how childish she's being. "So your dad is working on that balance thing, then? Took the whole implant out to fix it?" All I want to do is punch her in the face, but I take a deep breath because I know I can't stoop to her level. I don't know if she's realized it, but the lunch room has gone silent again, and all eyes are on us. "I know why you hate me," is all I can say. Aline's face contorts into a confused expression. She was hoping I'd retaliate more hostilely, no doubt. "What?" she spits. "I know why you hate me," I repeat. "Some people say it's because I'm prettier than you." A murmur goes around the room. I don't know if they're agreeing with me or not, but I don't really care. "But that's not it," I continue. "It's because I wasn't there when Toby died, isn't it?"