Midnight Bruises

Chapter Five

~Jaebum's POV~

It was Friday night and the entire swim team was leaving after practice.  We practiced a little later tonight ending around 9.  It was getting more serious as it got closer to the competition, only a few months away.

I was becoming more and more stressed as I wasn't sure if we could win.  It was my last chance to bring a win to this school, I literally couldn't just do better next time.  As I had all these thoughts swimming through my head I heard someone walking behind me.

I turned and saw Youngjae walking with his hands in his pockets.  I gave him a small smile and he grinned back jogging up next to me.

"What are you doing out late?"  He asked swinging his jacket pockets back and forth with his hands which had some dirt caked around them.

"Practice just ended."  I answered curtly.

"I feel like you're always practicing...  Do you really enjoy swimming that much or is it just about winning?"  He asked bluntly.

I didn't answer at first, that was a random and very deep question.  I didn't really even know him, but how would I get him to open up to me about his bruises if I wasn't open with him first?

"I enjoy swimming."  I said simply and he looked at me as if he was trying to figure out if I was lying or not.

"I think you're too focused on winning and that'll be why you lose."  He said confidently before skipping up ahead and turning down a different street.

I stopped where I was and watched him leave with furrowed brows.  Was he telling me I was going to lose the competition because I wanted to win?  It didn't make sense to me, nothing about this kid makes sense to me....

I grumbled slightly before continuing and going home

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"You don't get it Jackson he straight up told me I was going to lose the competition!"  I complained as I shut my locker to face the other.

"Well maybe you will, but maybe you won't!  Come on Jaebum it won't be like it's the first or last time this school's going to lose something!  I think he has a point."  Jackson said crossing his arms at me.

"What is wrong with me wanting to win this swimming competition for the school?  Why are you always fighting me on it and trying to stop me from practicing and focusing on it?!"  I yelled before taking a deep breath and keeping my cool.

"I'm just saying the kids right!  You focus too much on winning and it's going to ruin your Senior year for you man!  You haven't gone to a single party, you haven't done a single fun thing this entire year so far because you're focusing on winning a swimming competition which is fine but you have to live!  You'll only be a Senior in High School once Jaebum!"  Jackson said shaking my shoulders as he spoke.

I didn't say anything back not having a comeback and needing longer to think over what he said.  He had points but this competition was important to me, swimming was my passion and if I couldn't win a swim meet what place do I have pursuing it at all?

I glared at the ground as I made my way into Chemistry and sat at my seat with a grumble.  Jinyoung snickered at my grumpy attitude before turning and getting his notes ready for class.  I couldn't get what Jackson and Youngjae both said out of my head however so I didn't pay any attention in class that day.

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After school we didn't have practice so I sat by the pool with my feet in the water and sighed.  Why was everything so confusing?  I just wanted everyone to understand the simple fact that I needed to win this competition and I didn't care if I was missing out on hanging out with friends or going to stupid parties for it... did I?

"What's got you so upset?"

I turned shocked to see Youngjae propped up against the door looking at me with an innocent gaze.  You I thought but I knew that wasn't true either so I just shrugged.

"Is it about what I said Friday night?"  He asked moving closer and sitting near me.

I shrugged once again staring at the water in the pool as it swirled around my toes.

"I guess, Jackson also said something similar and it's just been bugging me."  I said and Youngjae nodded looking out at the pool.

"Well, what's bugging you exactly?"  He asked and I looked over at him.

"I don't understand why everyone says I shouldn't focus on the swim competition so much.  Our school hasn't won this competition in 10 years and swimming is everything to me so if I could bring our school a victory before I graduate it would be the biggest accomplishment of my life...  I don't know why no one else gets that."  I ranted and Youngjae nodded smiling.

"I understand that...  Think about this though, if you put all this effort into this competition and you miss a bunch of other opportunities and you lose, will you regret not taking some of those opportunities?"  He asked looking back at me.

I thought about it running a hand through my hair and sighed.  Would it be worth it to try this hard and still lose if it meant not seeing my friends hardly at all, not getting to know Youngjae or find out about his bruises, not going to any parties or school events....? 

"I want to say no that'd it'd be worth it but... I don't know if it would be."  I said honestly and Youngjae smiled.

"I think Jackson just doesn't want you to miss out on a bunch of great memories and moments from your Senior year for a single swim competition that it is okay if you lose.  It'd be amazing if you won of course Jaebum but someone else could win next year if you didn't but you could never get your Senior year back."  Youngjae said wisely and I felt like he was the Hyung at the moment.

"Is that why you said you live in the moment with the Astronaut thing?"  I said and he laughed nodding.

"It's hard though, I've trained myself to only focus on swimming and not to do anything else that would take away my focus from it even if it was something I really really wanted to."  I said and Youngjae smiled.

"Well, you have a month until the competition right?  Still train, but during that month do something that you wanted to do but wouldn't let yourself."  Youngjae suggested getting up and brushing himself off.

I smiled at him and nodded slowly as he smiled back heading to the door.

"Hey Youngjae... what if that something was get to know you?"  I called out and he turned with a light hue of pink on his cheeks.

"Then I'd say you better get to it."  He said smiling as he waved goodbye leaving the room.

I smiled into the reflection of the pool, even if I was technically doing something to distract myself, it made me feel better and more prepared than any amount of practicing had.