The Girl With OCD

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

     The doctor tries to pull me off the chair, to force me back to my own room. But I have to see if he makes it. I have to know if I've killed him. Eventually, the nurses and doctors leave me, thinking I'm some crazed girlfriend. But I'm not. I'm not even a relative or a best friend. I'm just some random, worthless girl with a tendency to make everything go wrong. The Cage has turned murderous, for once fulfilling its threat. The claws have closed around Cody, and I'm just waiting to see if he'll be spared.

    God, heal him! Don't take him! Take me! I'm not worth anything. I'm the one who did this!!

     The beeping of the heart monitor offsets the sobbing of his mother. My mother has her arm around Mrs. Rankin comfortingly. Three little blond girls are sitting quietly in the corner, playing with dolls. His hospital robe is bloody; his bandages need to be changed. The IV in his arm is giving him blood. His father holds Cody's hand, every now and then he glances at me. They don't know that I've killed him. They just think that it was an accident. They don't know that I'm a murderer.

     Didn't the OCD tell me that I would kill Cody if I turned? I turned, and look. He's dying. I glance over to Cody's face. His eyes are closed, and his breathing is slow and not that steady. Maybe if I wasn't alive, he wouldn't be dying. Maybe if I had gotten the cancer, not Dad, then everything would be okay. Why couldn't the truck have hit my side? Wouldn't that have, at least, put me out of my misery? My mom sits by Mrs. Hartsin, keeping her steady. The room goes quiet. All that's left is a muffled sound and the harsh beeping of the monitor.

     What's that sound?

     I hear a mumble, "What's going on?"

     I look up, holding my breath, "Cody?"

     A round of crying breaks out. Cody has returned from his limbo state. After an explanation of the horrible events that just happened, not six hours ago, he turns to me.

      "Are you okay?" He looks worried, probably seeing the blood on my peach colored dress.

      "I'm better than you are!" I say, gesturing to the intensive care unit.

      "Okay, well, good," He turns to his family, obviously remembering why he's here. Of course he doesn't want to talk to me. He knows what I've done. He knows that I almost killed him.

      "It wasn't your fault," He says, surprising me. He looks at me in the eyes, "No matter what people say or what you think, it wasn't your fault."

     I look away. His family probably thinks that he's saying that just so that I don't feel bad, but he's actually saying it to clear away my guilt. To let me know that he knows. To let me know, forever, that he knows it was Cage, and not me, that almost killed him. I start to cry. That is so much like Cody. What if I had lost him? What if the only person who seemed to understand had died? What if I was left alone to deal with my life? But he's here. He's okay. He reaches out a hand, painfully, and touches my own.

     "It's okay, Rose. You're okay. Everything's going to be alright." He smiles sadly at me, as if he knows my own thoughts.

     "I should be comforting you, not the other way around!" I say, and grip his hand, "You'll be alright. I'm just so... so sorry, Cody."

     He grips my own hand harder, "Everything's okay."

     Three hours later, Cody is drifting in and out of consciousness. He mumbles words every now and then. I hear him now. His voice is loud and clear this time. He looks, as much as he can, to all of us.